How Self-Discovery Can Transform Your Relationships


How Self-Discovery Can Transform Your Relationships
Conflicts? Painful professional or personal relationships? Use the magic of self-discovery
  • You feel confident.
  • You think clearly.
  • You feel peaceful, contented or joyful.

When your False Self is in control, you are more likely to experience the opposite.

  • You judge yourself harshly.
  • You feel separate from other people.
  • You compare yourself unfavorably to others or vice-versa.
  • You feel like you must be superior to other people in order to feel secure or confident.
  • You insist that you’re right or devalue someone else’s point of view.
  • You’re plagued by a negative outlook on life.

Your False Self thrives by being out of sync with the present moment and the infinite possibilities available to you. It plays old movies that vividly portray a wide variety of unpleasant events from your past. Sinister soundtracks screech and hiss. Your False Self Theatre also specializes in graphic, detailed horror movies regarding potential, but very unlikely, future events. When False Self runs the show, it is as if you’ve invited the most critical commentator you could find to shadow you 24/7 and deliver a devilish documentary detailing evidence that you are capable of making mistakes. (Who isn’t?) The dreadful dialogue in the drama drags to the final forecast: Your life will never improve.

The next time you notice that your False Self is running the show, make a decision to create inner peace by spending a few minutes reconnecting with Your True Self. Close your eyes and breathe deeply while you consciously shift your posture into your most peaceful, confident way of being.


The external world mirrors our relationship with ourselves back to us so we can see ourselves more clearly. This gift is often wrapped in prickly wrapping paper. An example is when someone else provides us the service of judging us harshly until we achieve a deep inner peace about our bulges and wrinkles. When we deny or ignore a negative mirror, the reflection usually becomes more intense until we love ourselves enough to admit our flaws and clean up our act.

The mirrors we don’t like to view can help us make a critical choice to act with higher integrity. We can resolve old hurts and behavior patterns and honor our true potential. We can decide to stop judging our imperfections. We may eventually decide, “What other people think of me is none of my business. I’m free to be my True Self!”

Sometimes a mirror is like a milestone marker for a world-class athlete. It’s a benchmark reflecting substantial progress. A characteristic someone shines to us causes us to notice, “I used to judge myself for being _______. Now it’s time to celebrate because I cleaned up my act.”

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Doris Helge, Ph.D., MCC


Master Relationship Coach, Doris Helge, Ph.D., was named "One of the Top Ten Coaches in America." Take advantage of her decades of experience with thousands of clients like you. See examples of testimonials posted by satisfied singles and couples at  

Location: All locations -- virtual coaching, WA
Credentials: CPC, MCC, MSW, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support, Divorce/Divorce Prevention
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