"WHO is that sitting across from me on the other side of the table? And who have I become through all this?" you might ask yourself....
So you want a divorce. You’ve made that decision. Or maybe you don’t want a divorce but find yourself in the middle of one anyway. It doesn’t matter whether or not you were the instigator. What matters is you have to be on top of every minute of the process and design a life for yourself, for your future, at the same time. No matter how amicable, it’s not going to be easy. And as much as you think you can turn around and tell me that you were married ‘forever’ and know your spouse inside and out well, that person who will be sitting across the table from you and negotiating with you will in no way resemble the person you shared your life with. No matter what you expect, you will be blown away at some of what unfolds.
That’s almost a guarantee.
You have to be three steps ahead and really know yourself, your triggers and what buttons are going to be pushed. Expect they WILL be pushed. ‘Know thyself’ has never been so important because as much as you think you know your soon to be ex-spouse inside and out, he/she will think the same and know what triggers your temper, tears, fears and what will cut you to the core. If you don’t acknowledge who you are then you’ll be caught unawares. This is not the time to kid yourself; this is the time to be brutally honest with who you are. You can answer “Who have I become through all this?” by saying “A whining, needy, lost individual” or “Someone better than ever before… stronger, more decisive and in control of my own destiny”. Which sounds better to you? Answering this question will be your first choice of many.
This isn’t about survival, it’s about ‘thrival’, perspectives and tips to help you thrive even in spite of what you’re going through and stay sane which might not be as easy as it sounds.
It’s to give you ideas and ways of handling what’s to come. Laws will differ depending on where you live. Laws of human nature, personality and behaviors are not so different. You’ll find things that apply and are a no-brainer and others you might not think fit into your realm of possibility. Keep them at the back of your mind just in case. Divorce takes a lot from you and out of you. It’s also a world of the unexpected; events and moments in time that you can’t believe are happening. The next few posts will hopefully guide you to be smart about it, your role in it and how you schedule it into your life, rather than let it take over your life.
Make thrival your ultimate goal, and as you work towards it, you'll discover who you are, how strong you are and how great you are all on your own. You’ll be amazed at the person who evolves if you take some fundamental steps.
I’m not writing this from a legal perspective. I’m a coach and help people evolve into their level of excellence and create a life they love. Divorce is no longer something that happens to someone down the street.. Don’t let life just happen, make your future a one-of-a-kinder every day event you don’t want to miss!
So take a deep breath and stay tuned for post 2, Jumping Into the Deep End of Divorce.