Hints Your Husband Is Having An Affair
Let’s clear up a couple of misconceptions first, if your husband is having an affair, he’s most likely engaged with someone’s wife. Therefore, the more apt title is, “Hints Your partner is having an affair.” Secondly, there are no universal, foolproof signs that will tell you if your partner is having an affair. For example, the primary sign would be an unhealthy relationship. This sign assumes that people in unhealthy relationships have affairs, while people in healthy relationships do not. However, people in healthy relationships have affairs too. The validity of any sign depends upon the context, that is the personality, the attachment history, and the particular relational environment each person brings t the relationship. There are, as well, different types of affairs with different meanings.
If you want to know, “Is my partner having an affair?” there is no substitute for paying attention to each other, having a deep knowledge and understanding of your partner and making time for the relationship. If you do these things then you will be able to see the signs. These things also lower the probability of affairs. It’s kind of a Catch-22. If you don’t pay attention and don’t know one another and don’t make the relationship a priority, you increase the probability of an affair, and your partner’s affair will likely come as a surprise to you.
Given those understandings there are signs to look at. They’re not the usual kind of signs like; “he often works late” or “she’s totally occupied with the children” but patterns that exist in some marriages that increase the probability of an affair. If you find these patterns to exist in your marriage, the probability of an affair is increased.
1. Your Interaction patterns.
a. you live separate lives
b. you are “glued at the hip”
c. you avoid conflict
d. you have continual conflict
2. Your Personal History and Past Relationship patterns.
a. Has your partner been unfaithful before? To you? To previous partners?
b. Have you found your partner to be trustworthy in other areas or not?
3. Your Communication patterns.
a. Important issues can’t be discussed constructively.
b. Your discussions are competitive, i.e. one or both of you need to be right.
c. Your discussions are characterized by trying to find the bad guy.
d. You can’t discuss important issues at all.
4. Your Mental and Emotional Focus patterns.
a. Other things are more important than the marriage. i.e. work, children, hobbies.
b. A relationship with another person seems far more exciting, more rewarding and less work than the one you have.