Types and Meaning of Affairs
By Donn Peters. Posted on .
2. Addiction based.
a. In this pattern one or both of the partners can never get enough. Enough attention, enough affection, enough love. They are constantly on the hunt for something to fill them up. There may be lots of passion and excitement in this relationship, but they are unable to work through any areas of conflict. The affairs in this pattern tend to be multiple one night stands.
b. Possible meaning: I can’t ever get filled up. I hate what I’m doing but I can’t stop.
3. Empty Nest
a. Time has passed this couple by. They were completely involved with their children, their work or whatever. The children have moved out and they have retired. They look across the table and see the each other as a stranger. Maybe they long to get connected, maybe not, maybe the desire has been buried under a lifetime of busyness and distraction. Whatever the case, they can’t manage to do what is necessary to rekindle the relationship with the person they live with.
b. Possible meaning: I’m lost and lonely. I feel hopeless and powerless.
4. Out the door.
a. This marriage is over, but neither wants to make the move to end it. Each is waiting for the other to make the move. So one of the partners has an affair and that person can be blamed for ending the relationship that they both secretly wanted to end but lacked the courage to do so.
b. Possible meaning: I don’t want to be responsible for my actions. Won’t you take action so I can blame you?
A list similar to this, which inspired this list, was first published by Emily M. Brown in “Patterns of Infidelity and Their Treatment.”
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