Do You Give Too Much Or Too Little To Your Relationships?

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tug of war giving and taking
YourTango Experts teach us how to achieve a balanced relationship that serves others and ourselves.

Couples work best when they are like two trees planted side by side—neither is overshadowing the other, and both are receiving the nourishment they need from the sun, air and the mutually shared common ground. Both individuals are strong with their own independent reach, and yet they're intertwined without suffocating each other.

Connecting with your partner at this level of sharing and caring requires you, at times, to forget yourself and consider only them. However, there is a fine line between being present and of service to the relationship, and giving too much, which throws the relationship out of whack. 5 Ways to Balance Marriage, Kids, Work, Home and Health

For instance, it's possible that as the person who is so giving, you refuse to allow your partner to give to you in return. Denying them this opportunity is just another way for you to have control. As the uber-giver, you become so selfless that you don't take responsibility for yourself because you can use the excuse that you're "always focused on someone else." Your relationship then becomes a project, rather than two people coming together in a shared love.

True intimacy requires us to drop the barriers between us, experience vulnerability and be willing to share equally with give and take. Learning to strike that "perfect balance" between these two is a lifelong process. The first step is to recognize that this balance is needed.

 - Intuitive Counselor & YourTango Expert Colette Baron-Reid

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