No, this is not some article giving financially frivolous advice to anyone that puts money above love. The type of bank account I am referring to is your emotional bank account. Now before you close this article, I think you may find interesting what I have to say.
When it comes to relationships, our mind is like a bank. Do a good deed, make a love coin deposit. A kiss - perhaps five love coins. A massage - 20 love coins. Making love - 100 love coins. Regardless of the amount of the deposits, the interesting thing about our mind, it subtracts in larger increments compared to deposits.
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A fight - a 25 to 50 love coin withdrawal. Missing a personal holiday (birthday or anniversary) - 200 love coins down the drain. We do because our natural tendency is to accentuate the negative. We love and strive for conflict by creating it. If we did not, then we would not create conflict in the first place. When one person begins an argument, we have the choice to take a path of peace, or a path of defense – to maintain our control or dominance position. Eventually, most times, we’ll take the bait.
Then, when we finally do get conflict, we penalize our partner more severely compared to their events of love. We are funny. It reminds me of the familiar phrase – be careful of what you wish for. Except what should be add is – because my withdrawals are much larger than my deposits.
When to Leave
The question of leaving is not when your emotional bank account is empty, rather when your account has been so seriously over drawn that trying to create a love deposit is not worth the effort. This becomes the point of no return. The point when break solidifies in our mind. Once this break up inception occurs, regardless of our or our partner’s efforts, we will create withdrawals even for loving deeds.
You bring flowers to make up – it’s “too little too late” or “now he’s begging”. Or, you make a special meal – it’s “not noticed” or “a minimal attempt to reconcile”. In both instances, the effort to make up is the way we show love. And when that love is rejected, it's like an emotional slap in the face. It hurts, so soon our emotional bank account runs dry and a course is set for destination break up. Our partner has made their decision and regardless of what we do, reconciliation is simply not going to work. And for us, the emotional pounding is just not worth it.
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So how can you cut your losses and tell when your partner’s emotional bank account is empty? He/she does not respond positively to anything you do. You hear absolute words come out of your partner’s mouth like “you always …” or it happens “all the time” or “you never …”.
Another sign is avoidance – she works late more often, he goes out with the guys and stays out late. It’s at this point to just face the situation calmly. Try to have a serious conversation with your partner to work things out.