- Pros - Society creates the identity of a couple through marriage; as the wedding vow script goes “I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Smith”. The breakup of the couple identity is hard on the man. He is socialized to be the fixer, the bond that keeps the relationship together. Getting divorced is not only failure of the relationship; it’s also a loss of identity. Providing emotional support shows you care and your emotional strength. Very attractive.
- Con – a man needing too much emotional support is a sign of not being healed or not having the ability to heal. Further, if you or he uses the relationship as a bargaining chip to win arguments, it’s a sign of insecurity and something to avoid. No amount of lemon or orange slices will make that relationship "taste" better.
"R"oom, he needs “man” time.
- Pros - Depending upon the duration of the marriage and the depth of love for his ex-wife, a good man realizes that he should have "man time" as well as time as couple time. Providing room in the relationship for him to hang out with the guys, pursue his hobbies or to just be alone is an attractive quality. It shows you have confidence and that you are a secure woman.
- Cons – a man that does not want alone time may be a sign of co-dependence and or insecurity. Similarly, a woman that does not provide room for man time is a sign of insecurity and will drive a good divorced man away. He'll take the first seat he can on the Silver Bullet.
"S"ex will be great, but be careful what you ask for.
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- Pros – a man newly divorced misses the intimacy and may want to get involved quickly. Frequency of intimacy may bring you back to your old teenage/twenties days. Short term, this may be very fulfilling, but longer term the relationship need to mature to be based on the non-physical attributes of each person.
- Cons – Most first relationships after divorce are rebound relationships and don’t last. If you’re looking for a long term relationship tread with caution and make sure he’s healed before you get too intimate. Sex heat could turn to swift heartache like the bitterness of an beer gone bad.
In all seriousness, divorce is not something in which to joke about. It changes a man’s life (not to down play the impacts on the woman, but this article focuses on the man). The dating rituals are totally different because of the different circumstances. These new situations require a new way of thinking when dating and creating a relationship with a divorced man. Thinking BEERS with help you keep in mind the important factors and make your dating efforts more successful. Cheers!