Spending Holidays with In-Laws Can Make Or Break Your Marriage
If you want to keep your marriage going strong during the holidays, you might not want to spend too much time with your in-laws. On the other hand, you want to spend more time with them. It depends if you are going to your husband’s parents in Connecticut or your parent’s 1940’s bungalow down the street.
If you’re single, you can listen to one of the most hip speaker/ psychologist/ researchers I know, wrap up her words and your newfound knowledge with a pretty red bow and share it with yourself and your next love.
I’ve been chatting with Dr. Terri L Orbuch PhD, author of the new book "Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship" and she has some interesting conclusions from her years of marital research.
Terri, aka "The Love Doctor," has been peering into the lives of 373 married couples for over 26 years, in a scientific study funded by the National Institute of Health on some very important topics… marriage, divorce and love, three of my personal favorites.
The holidays can be an especially tricky time for relationships the one you have with yourself, and the one you have with your partner if you are in a relationship. I remember crying my eyes out after an incident that happened in my marriage, before our trip to my husband’s parent’s house for Christmas. I had purchased rather large gift cards for his side of the family, and I left them in the car for our trip. Use the law of attraction to amp up your love life.
We were heading out, on our supposedly joyful holiday jaunt to his family’s house, and I started looking for the gift cards. I thought I left them on the car seat, but I couldn’t find them anywhere. I asked my husband if he had done something with them. He had apparently done what he thought was a good dead and cleaned all the paper "garbage" out of the car, and burned it. This included any receipts, to-do lists and a bag filled with his family’s cardstock-paper thin presents.
Holidays can be stressful enough without having your presents burned at the stake. But there were more than gift cards at stake that year. Our relationship was also at stake. It was slowly going up in flames and I wish I would have known about Dr. Terri Orbuch’s research then.
This long study showed that women, who were closer with her in-laws, had a 20% greater risk of divorce as opposed to the opposite: a 20% decrease in divorce when men were closer with their in-laws. I was closer with my husband’s in-laws than he was with my parents. If I had kept them at more of a distance and not purchased too many Christmas gifts, would it have saved my marriage?
If my husband would have been closer with my parents, would that helped? "Close in-law ties between a husband and his wife's parents are reinforcing to women and connect him to her," said Orbuch. It would have made me feel more loved to know my family was important to my husband and he wanted to spend time with them. Love yourself!
My loving in-laws weren’t to blame for our divorce, nor was the relationship my husband had with my parents, or the gift cards that went up into smoke. There are more factors than who is closer with whose in-law’s going on in any relationship that are addressed in Terri’s new book. External factors like money and the internal factors of relationships, such as sex and conflict are also addressed.
This nationally funded research is very special because it is the only study focused on what happens after divorce and what happens to those singles when they find love again. So to those lucky divorced singles out there you are in for an early holiday treat.
So if you are starting over, the Love Doctor has the information you need. Dr. Orbuch’s not-quite so easy to read condensed version of the study will appear will appear in the prestigious journal: Family Relations in 2013.
Dr. Orbuch will hold your virtual hand with her myth busting scientific data, real-life experience from newlywed people ages 25-37 who were involved in answering over 1000 questions in their interviews, personal stories about breakups, and an easy to understand step by step plan to heal yourself, and find love again.
Holiday seasons are hectic, so spend some quality time with your friends and family, but don’t forget about some you time.
Take a break, sip on some warm cider, put on your fuzzy socks, sit by the fire and read "Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship". You will learn a little, and probably learn a lot while you warm up your heart and get ready for love. You never know when love is going to show up. It could be at the office Christmas party this year, so get the real love facts.
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