If you want to find love, you have to quit cold turkey.
You are a woman; you are single and you are trying so hard to succeed at everything you do. You're busy at work trying to please your crabby boss; you're trying to be a perfect woman... and it's just so darn difficult. How in the world are you supposed to keep your date happy?
What's a woman supposed to do? Do more? Try harder? Fix every single thing? Try to make things work better, harder, faster, stronger? This is the old paradigm of dating. Embrace the new paradigm of dating...
- Give up on your excuses. There are plenty of good men out there. If you don't think you have time, you can make time. Do you want to be like Bea Arthur on the Golden Girls?
- Give up the need to always be right. If your date chooses a restaurant you don't love, go anyway. There's no need to suggest your favorite five-star joint if he doesn't bring it up. I'm sure they'll have something you can eat no matter where you go; it's not going to kill you to eat iceberg lettuce one time this year.
- Give up trying to control what your man is doing. No matter how badly you want a man to call or text you, you can't change that fact that he isn't calling or texting you. It's time to live your life and focus on what makes you happy, besides his late night phone calls.
- Give up on blaming your man for how you feel. It's not a man's fault that you are still bitter about a past relationship. This new guy has nothing to do with your past. He's the "new guy" and not the guy that slept with your best friend or left his beard trimmings in the sink. A goddess takes responsibility for her own feelings and finds things that make her feel good.
- Give up your limiting beliefs. Give up thinking that this guy is too good for you; you deserve to be with the perfect man that is perfect for you, even if it's only for a short time. You are an amazing woman and when you realize it, men will be lining up just to be near you.
- Give up on self-defeating talk. Don't tell yourself that you need to be prettier, skinnier or somethinger to find a good date. If your best friend was saying the things to you that you say to yourself, would you still be her friend? Probably not. Be a friend to yourself.
- Give up on complaining about what a man is not doing. If he's not making dates with you, don't complain about it. Put on your big girl pants and have some fun with your friends, or even better, get a date with that cute nerdy guy who wears bow ties to work.
- Give up on criticizing a man for what he is doing. If he's asking you out last minute, you don't need to complain to him about it; your actions will speak volumes. Complaining is one of the biggest turn-offs for men. Don't accept a last minute date if it doesn't make you feel good. If you are busy reading a book or making dinner, that is busy enough to graciously decline his 9pm "classy invitation."
- Give up your need to impress a man. Wear what you want because it makes you feel good, not because you think he would want you to wear it. If you like purple nail polish and he doesn't, he's going to have to learn to love it if he wants you to stick around, because purple is your color.
- Give up your resistance to change. Change makes the world go round and if you had to wear the same dress every day, life would be boring. The same thing goes for when you're single. There's no need to focus on just one construction worker; you can go out with both Dr. Bob and your mailman. You can see them all the same day if you feel like, and you have the time to do this before any exclusivity happens.
- Give up labels. You've only gone on a date or two right? There's no need for labeling him as your "boyfriend," and there's no need for you to give up your other options just yet.
- Give up on your fears of getting hurt by another man. When you're single and dating, you could feel bad if a man doesn't call or doesn't even show up for a date. The first time it happened to me, I felt devastated. I was so confused and didn't know if I should be concerned or just plain mad. I thought maybe he was in a car crash or needed me by his side while he was in a coma. I saw his active profile on match.com a few days later, and he had a some great excuses: being at a Mormon college (where there was no internet service), and having both his phone and computer stolen. I have to say, he did get points for creativity. Dating will definitely toughen you up and get you used to some man behaviors.
- Give up the past. The past is for learning about who you are; you don't need to bring your past relationships on your dates. Please don't project all of the bad qualities in your last relationship onto this guy. You barely know him.
- Give up attachment. Just because you're going on a date with this man, doesn't mean your children are going to have his unattached earlobes. This is only just that — a date.
- Give up living your life to meet other people's expectations. Don't lose yourself because a man expects you to be at his every beckoning call. If you have your favorite zumba class on Friday night, and that's the guy's usual "date night," you shouldn't have to arrange your schedule to fit his. You happen to be available "most" Saturdays, unless he waits until Saturday night to ask you out.
Giving up these things will help give you your life back.
If you need more guidance, here are some links to help you out.
- Learn to be happy and single!
- Take this short survey to see if you are ready to uplevel your love life.
- Improve your self-esteem by dating.
- Move away from your divorce.