Family Language


Family Language
The emotional language of childhood attracts you to familiar people and situations: chemistry.

This plays out in the world of work, too. Have you known someone who has had one abusive boss after the other, or has found something horribly wrong with every company where he or she works? Well, who's the common denominator in all of these work situations? This person! Who's the common denominator in a string of failed, unsatisfying relationships? This person! Is this random or "destined"? When I say destined, I don't mean some magical force at work. I mean that the person is "primed" through the family language of childhood for these ultimately unsatisfying situations. 

If you've been in a number of unsatisfying jobs and/or relationships, therapy can help you understand the family language you learned and its effects on your life today—and learn a new language that will help you function in a different way, so that you can override the pull to familiar dissatisfaction and be able to make room for joy in your everyday life.  

Article contributed by

Diane Spear, LCSW-R


Diane Spear, LCSW-R, is a NYC-based psychotherapist who helps couples and individuals throughout the world find the joy in everyday life! She has been in practice since 1995, working with older adolescents up through older adults. Check out her website at to learn more about her therapy and counseling practice and couples and relationship therapy; and be sure to read her blog.

Connect with Diane through email here, or call 212-353-0296


Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LCSW-R
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Life Transitions
Other Articles/News by Diane Spear, LCSW-R:

"Nurse Jackie" & The Behavioral Approach To Addiction


Season Five of Showtime's darkly comic "Nurse Jackie" proves my contention that "if you deal with the behavior without confronting the underlying issues, you're just switching chairs on a sinking ship." I was referring to substance abuse in the quote, but it really holds true for the behavioral approach to all psychological problems. ... Read more

How Wedding Fever Can Ruin Your Relationship


Melissa and Tom (whose names have been changed to protect their privacy) argued as they drove to meet their vocal coach. "Why do you want to sing The Wind Beneath My Wings?" she asked. "It's such a cliché, and I'll never hear the end of it from my dad." "You're not doing much better with that Shania Twain song," ... Read more

Communications Technology Vs. Relating


Communication is supposed to be helped by technology, right? We're available 24/7 now, through cell phones, texting, Facebook, Twitter, email, etc. We may be communicating, but are we relating? Is a Facebook friend really a friend? Is the first time you tell the person you're dating that you love them in a text? I know couples who have fights because ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular