So what’s a girl to do? Well the typical answer is to encourage people to "be more present" during sex.
Which I find really unhelpful given that we spend 90 percent or more of our waking time lost in thought, thinking of what’s next on our "to do" list, being driven by unconscious thoughts and desires and yet somehow we expect ourselves to just magically know how to get and stay present during sex.
But I ask you, if you’re unable to be present in other area of your life, how could you expect to be instantly present for sex?
If you want to be more present and connected to your body during sex, I invite you to practice being present and connected to your body, in every other moment of your life.
Which is a great thing to say, but how do you actually do it?
The quickest, fastest route for getting present in your body and out of your head is by focusing on your breath.
Wherever you are, in any moment, simply notice your breathing pattern.
- First notice if you are taking short, shallow rabbit breaths, (which is a symptom of fight or flight response) or are you taking nice full belly breaths. Most likely if you are lost in thoughts and worry about past or future, you are in "fight or flight" response.
- Next take a few nice deep conscious breaths, and feel your body. Feel your lungs and belly expand with air, feel your ribcage lift and open to allow in more life essence. Feel the slow, sweet process of life happening within you.
- Then notice how your body feels. Are there any areas of tension or stress? Take a few moments to consciously breath into any areas of physical, emotional, or energetic tension. Bring your conscious awareness and your breath to these areas and relax.
I invite you to do this exercise for 5-10 minutes, several times during your day. Some people call this meditation, or you can simply think of it as "body awareness."
After practicing being present for a while outside of your sexual experience, I invite you to do the same practice of self-awareness during your sexual experience.
Become aware of your breathing pattern during sexual pleasure and consciously practice taking deep full breathes.
Instead of following thoughts in your head, follow the sensations in your body and when they run into little obstacles, (or "blocks to bliss") breathe into those areas of tension and dullness and practice relaxing, softening and letting go.
You may find a whole new depth of pleasure, connection and joy in your sexual experience and a profound intimacy with yourself and your significant other.