* A Man’s Worst Fear: One of the reasons a man has a hard time committing is fear of being controlled, fear of losing control of his own life, and fear of not getting his needs met. When a woman’s needs are not met by her partner, most often she becomes sad, depressed and unfulfilled. When a guy’s needs are not met, he responds with anger and feels out of control. To avoid this, try sitting down with your partner and crafting three short lists for each of you: one for emotional needs, one for physical needs, and one for functional needs. Now with great detail, discuss how and when each of you benefits. Decide what is negotiable and what is a deal breaker.
* Men Know Who They Can’t Live Without: Women, For The Most Part, Know Who They Want To Be With: Most men gauge their choice of relationship by who they can’t live without. Most males don’t understand how they feel about a woman until she’s gone, according to my recent research. The longer a woman talks with a man and spends time with him, the less chance he has to miss her. Don’t rob yourself of this opportunity. By their own admission, guys were drawn to women who ended their phone calls or dates before the guy did. This included not being available for emails and text messages at his convenience.
* Don’t Be Afraid To Be Wrong: It’s okay to be the first to apologize and admit when you’re wrong. This demonstrates two character traits that men find appealing: confidence and humility. It also models for him that it’s safe to be wrong, which is difficult for the male ego.
* Men Have A Shorter Memory: A guy’s brain is wired for the future. This unique, albeit frustrating, characteristic equipped his ancestor brothers with challenging survival skills during The Dark Ages, through the development of the western frontier, and in times of war. Your man still operates off this same DNA, which would explain why he may have low tolerance for a woman’s recall of past events. She is equipped with a larger storage bank, a maternal skill set needed for childrearing. Also, you may wish to gently teach him that your recall of his past indiscretions is a woman’s natural grieving process, mandatory to complete the forgiveness cycle.
Gradually try exercising these suggestions and notice which ones make a positive impact. Remember there are always exceptions to the gender dynamics. Education and awareness is a good start to building a great relationship and understanding your male partner.
Copyright © 2011 by Denise Wade, Ph.D. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.
Denise Wade, Ph.D. is devoted to helping committed couples reignite passion and intimacy through awareness of each other’s unique sexual and emotional needs. Denise provides gender education coaching, a comfortable alternative to marriage counseling. http://denisewade.relationshipcoach.org/ 1.610.639.6627.