Learning how to be embodied can increase intimacy and sexual satisfaction.
Being embodied is not something that people typically think about on a daily basis even though it’s something we (hopefully) do. Going through your day and checking off the box next to your regular tasks and activities does not automatically qualify you as an embodied being. That qualifies you as a person who gets s*** done. And…kudos to you for that!
Buuuutt…if you want to live a potentially fuller life (with feelings of joyous and free) then you may want to read on.
Being aware of your body’s postures, movements and relation of IT (your body) to the rest of the world is embodiment. And, this may be a bold statement, but embodiment is imperative to a happier and richer life. We actually already have a sensory system already built in for this! The system is called the Proprioception System and it consists of muscles, tendons, ligaments, fascia, and joints that help us sense our position in relation to the world and others through our subconscious and unconscious awareness of our body position. Our bodies’ wisdom is truly amazing!
You know you are embodied when you feel that pit in your stomach that says, “Stay away!” or “Move closer!” to a particular person, event ,or situation. While you have to be embodied to receive that message, whether you consciously listen to it and act accordingly is another choice altogether. Ways to become more embodied: movement or walking meditation, conscious dancing (ecstatic dance, 5 Rhythms, Nia, Soul Motion, Rhythm Waves), Authentic Movement, Feldenkrais Method, Rosen Method, latihan, medicine wheels and circles, yoga, drumming, playing music, and paying attention to and tracking your body signals and your emotions.
How and why does this matter in the context of sexuality, eroticism, relationship and intimacy?
1) Increased Self Esteem. Knowing how your body feels from the inside as you move and make your way in the world inevitably increases your self esteem. When your self esteem is higher, you feel more connected to other people, thus increasing intimacy.
2) Getting your bedroom needs met! Being more embodied allows for you to be in touch with the body signals that you get on a regular basis. If you can sense them, you can use them to your advantage. You know what you like and don’t like more and more as you move on in your journey of embodiment. When you are navigating a sexual or sensual situation with someone you are in a better position to know and communicate things such as “let’s try this out” or “i’d like it if you touched me slower/faster/lighter/harder” or “stop what you are doing. i’m not into it.” You also decrease the chances of taking something personally when your lovers assert themselves to you. You may even start celebrating their embodiment!
3) Less Judgment! If you work consistently on your own embodiment, something amazing starts happening. You judge yourself and others less. This goes for hearing and understanding your partner’s wants, needs and desires. So, when your partner tries to do anything beyond the regs (think new positions, sharing fantasies, or exploring something on the kink continuum), you will be able to make a more informed decision with less judgment. This helps with communication and connection.
I encourage you to share in the comments ways that you are embodied (either with yourself, with another, or with others). This is YOUR body. Embody it!
Denise Renye is a psychologist and sexologist. She sees patients in her San Francisco office and coaches clients both nationally and internationally via video calls. Contact her here to find out out she can help improve your intimacy and sex life.
This article was originally published at DeniseRenye.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.