The fear your children may feel when dealing with your coming out often results in them experiencing angry emotions; this can make it difficult to speak with them. It’s important, however, that they know you will always be there to make them feel safe and loved. To help my children feel safe during school hours, I spoke with my kid’s principals and guidance counselors about what was happening in my life. They were very understanding and kept a special eye on my kids, which was comforting to me. I recommend getting a qualified therapist for help in confronting some of the difficult challenges with this age group.
From a mom’s perspective, it hurts to feel as though your children want to keep you a secret from others due to the change in your sexual orientation. Where in the past they may have brought friends home and been fine with having you be around them, your children now may choose to avoid the situation and decide to spend their time at someone else’s house. There can also be a lot of anxiety for them at school events when you attend with your same-sex partner. From your kids’ perspective, your attendance could expose them to possible homophobic taunts when you’re gone. My best advice here is to respect what they are going through. Just like it can take years for one of us to “come out”, it can also take years for your child to process the major changes taking place. Fortunately, as they ultimately form their own values and become their own person, they come around in time.