How To Raise Great Kids? Mind Your "Don't" List

By

Parenting Advice: A "Don't" List For Raising Children
Are you making any of these parenting mistakes?

There is so much to think about when you're raising a child. From the moment you become pregnant to the day he or she leaves for college, there's seemingly endless opportunities to "get it wrong." (Happily, there's also plenty of parenting advice for being an awesome mom or dad). But it's not all gloom and doom: if you avoid everything on this list of definite "don'ts", you're on the fast track to that "world's best" mug!

Parenting Don'ts
1. Decide to have a baby because you need someone to love you.

 

2. Refuse get prenatal care when you are pregnant.

3. Stay in relationships that aren't supportive or that cause you stress and pain.

4. Stay with a man who is abusive. Don't give him the benefit of the doubt or think "He'll be different after the baby is born."

5. Take drugs or alcohol to calm your stress without regard for the developing life inside of you. 

6. Fathers: Resent your partner if she isn't able to be as attentive to you as you'd like in her discomfort during pregnancy.

7. Fathers: Show your partner disrespect, before OR after the baby is born.

8. Wait until your baby is screaming before you tend to their needs, under the assumption that your desires and comforts are more important than theirs.

9. Restrict your new child from being creative, exploratory and inquisitive. Reprimand them harshly for making messes and causing stressful feelings for you as they learn.

10. Ignore your child's needs or give them the silent treatment when they frustrate you.

11. Use your love and affection as a weapon to keep them under control.

12. Belittle them by telling them their thinking is stupid, silly; or silence them if you don't think you have time to listen.

13. Restrict your love and kindness with rare kisses, hugs and affection, just to keep them attached.

14. Refuse to apologize under the assumption that you're the parent, and you shouldn't have to answer to your children.

If you do all of this, you will have taught your child they don't matter, they have no value, and that life is hard. They will not know the value of their life or that of others. Since their feelings, needs and desires were not validated and acknowledged, they will see others as a means to an end without feelings, needs or desires to care about or consider.

Because you did not bond to them, they don't know how to attach to anyone except through a bond of fear and pain. As they go through life they will have the gift that keeps on giving: they will get stress and trauma will make them rigid and inflexible, combative, or fearful without understanding what is driving them. Then they will pass this on to your grandchildren. What a legacy you have created.

More parenting advice from YourTango

Article contributed by

Deborah Chelette-Wilson

Counselor/Therapist

Soulfull Woman Deborah Chelette-Wilson is a Licensed Professional Counselor, speaker and life coach who has helped many women find that elusive “something missing” in their lives. We are often pulled in so many directions, that it’s difficult to know how to put ourselves on our own To Do list. Deborah offers a 15-minute free life coaching session exclusive to YourTango readers to help you identify what steps you can take to finding a more stress-free and soulfull You.

Location: Winnsboro, TX
Credentials: LPC, NCC
Specialties: Empowering Women
Other Articles/News by Deborah Chelette-Wilson:

Responding From Love Rather Than Reacting From Fear

By

I actually had a reaction to thinking about this title. It sounds like it's something we'd say in "Fantasy Land." It may seem counterintuitive to even think that responding from a love is something that can be done in our age of chaos, uncertainty and escalating worldwide violent acts. It isn't. Responding from love is practical and ... Read more

Stop Dating The Same Types Of People Over (And Over) Again

By

I grew up desperately seeking love, kindness and guidance from parents who were unable to meet my emotional needs. It is not pleasant to admit that, but it is true. It is also true that I transferred that desperate neediness as a young adult into relationships with men who couldn't meet my emotional needs either. I've often said, "Men have been a ... Read more

I Was Abused, So I Took Revenge — And Became A Therapist

By

One of the things I have come to appreciate about myself is my willingness to continue to learn, to grow and to heal my wounds. I don't see how I can ask my clients to go into their dark places if I'm not willing to go into my own. Even with all my education, training and skills, when I work with someone, I need to be able to meet them with my heart in ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular