Parent from Love, Not Fear


Parent from Love, Not Fear
A family counselor gives parenting tips to use right now to improve your parent-child relationship.

Stress Is Not a Calming Interaction

We are a stress based and child-development illiterate society. We don't even fully understand our own adult stress. As adults, we are able to ignore and deny our bodily sensations and emotions. Because we are able to get through our day and accomplish our survival needs, we seem to think we don't get stressed. That is, until late at night when we wonder why our shoulders are so tense and tight that we can't sleep, and we need something to relax us.

A stressed out parent cannot calm a stressed out child. Parenting from a position of fear rather than a position of love can cause life-long repercussions. Learn to control your stress. 

The Parent Non-Blame Zone

I am well aware that what I have learned, practice and teach is a paradigm shift. It is not what I grew up with, but wish I did. That said, I am also aware that my clients, like all parents, do the best they can with what they know.

By the time parents find me they have usually spent years struggling with their child's acting out or bad behavior. They and the child or children are stressed out. Their confidence in their abilities to parent has declined and they are frustrated and in distress.

My coaching techniques help parents to:

• Enter a non-blaming zone. No matter how hard we try, sometimes our best effort just doesn't hit the mark. However, that doesn't mean we need verbal spankings or to be made to feel guilty by others or ourselves. The past is the past, and we are starting fresh from this point.

• Accept where we are and move forward. The parenting process is a journey. When parents understand how they are currently parenting, can listen to what I have to offer, and, then, begin to operate from that perspective, life will get better.

• Know that someone is listening. My response to any parent who is seeking to improve his or her skills is unconditional positive regard. It takes a lot for us to be willing to say, "I could be better at this." For that, I offer reassurance and compassion about our struggles to be good parents to our child or children.

• Feel validated. We all have fears and frustrations in our parenting journey. I offer validation of those feelings, but above that, I offer each parent client the education and tools that we need to build those developmentally-friendly parenting practices. I support parents in whatever way and for however long is needed.

Through parent coaching we learn and grow, both as individuals and as parents. Learning to parent from a position of love, rather than fear or stress, can bring a new level of confidence in the power of our own self-growth and how that impacts our children and our parent/child relationships. Keep reading...

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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Deborah Chelette-Wilson

Life Coach

Soulfull Woman Deborah Chelette-Wilson is a Licensed Professional Counselor, speaker and life coach who has helped many women find that elusive “something missing” in their lives. We are often pulled in so many directions, that it’s difficult to know how to put ourselves on our own To Do list. Deborah offers a 15-minute free life coaching session exclusive to YourTango readers to help you identify what steps you can take to finding a more stress-free and soulfull You.

Location: Winnsboro, TX
Credentials: LPC, NCC
Specialties: Empowering Women
Other Articles/News by Deborah Chelette-Wilson:

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Stop Being Afraid Of Life, And Start Living It


A client told me about a time when she was about ten years old and she awoke one morning to find the house was icy cold. Her stepdad was not at home, but she had watched him build fires in the fireplace (their only source of heat) many times. She decided she could do it and make the house warm for her mother and siblings. She completed the task successfully, ... Read more

What's The Deal With Kids Today? Your Stress


Since the early 90s, I have noticed a disturbing trend: children's problem behaviors seem to be getting more complicated and they are not responding to discipline that has worked in the past. From parents, caregivers and teachers I consistently hear, "I've tried everything and nothing seems to work. I spank them, ground them, send them to bed ... Read more

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