Is your ego in charge of fixing your love life?

By

Is your ego in charge of fixing your love life?
Feel like you are on the self-help treadmill? Maybe your ego is the way of finding your true love.

I have spent countless years in the relationship help isle at bookstores and attending healing workshops on fixing my “single” problem. I would feel that uplift after reading a dating advice book or going to an event, but then something would happen to bring me back down again.

What took me so long to be free was that I was trying to work on myself through my ego. Every time I tried to heal a certain piece of me, another one would pop up like that whack-o-mole game at the carnival.  I kept focusing on the problem, trying to fix myself when that attitude was working against me all along.

I now tell my clients that when you focus too much on core false beliefs and your so-called wounded self, you fuel the fire and keep the energy around the idea of brokenness burning. You end up just rearranging furniture in your mind and not making any progress in transformation. Being single isn’t a pathology and doesn’t require the medical model for treatment. There is nothing to cure.

You cannot clear beliefs from your mind, only transform them into its opposite polarity. Every belief has its opposite and you can’t clear half of anything. Both sides exist in the same moment, all you need to do is refocus on what the side you want vs. your default view that creates your current results. You get what you focus on and if you are always focusing on what you want to clear you are actually making it stronger.

Your ego wants you to believe that good and bad are separate so it plays this game of ping-pong with your mind to keep you stuck. It will infiltrate your personal and spiritual development so finely disguised to preserve itself with your old patterns. The ego will tell you that what you want is out there and that the reason you don’t have love or wealth is because you are doing something wrong and you need to fix or heal something.

There is nothing wrong with you except your false self-perception. Your ego doesn’t want you to see the wholeness inside and your inseparable connection to the divine and all that you ever want in your life.

You are one with everything and everything that you want has already been created. Your true love is here and now in this moment looking for someone exactly like you. You don’t need to heal yourself, you need to grow your self-awareness so you can lift yourself out of the delusion that you aren’t good enough and step into the truth.

When you step back and connect to the divine within you, your ego drops away and you see things and yourself quite differently. Actually, you see how perfect you are without the masks and shadows that your ego likes to wear and cling to as a false sense of comfort.

The true safety is your knowing that there is one divine presence that has always been inside of you and will never leave. Seeing yourself through divine eyes will adjust your focus and you will start to become attracted to those who see with the same eyes. You will stop rearranging the furniture and start building a beautiful new home with a strong foundation for lasting love.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Debi Berndt

Author

Debi Berndt is the co-founder of CreativeLove.com, a personal development system for singles to stop fixing themselves and finally find true love. She works with her partner, Dr. Robert Maldonado (Psychologist). Their system was developed based on Carl Jung's work and influenced by Eastern Philosophy.  Debi is also the author of the bestselling book, LET LOVE IN. Get your free lecture and meditation - Why you are single and how to find love without fixing yourself here.

Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: CHT
Other Articles/News by Debi Berndt:

Always Getting Rejected? 3 Steps To Loving Yourself Anyway

By

You hear people tell you, "you have to love yourself first," before someone will love you. This common self-help quote didn't help me much. I tried to love myself. I took confidence workshops and I said my affirmations, but when someone I liked stopped calling, my positive thoughts turned into self-hate again. I thought, "What is wrong with ... Read more

Pop Your Comfort Bubble & Open Up To Love

By

Are you afraid of being alone and single? Do you wonder if the search for true love will ever be over? Do you obsess over the idea, "what if I never meet anyone?" Most singles say being alone scares them and they fear never meeting that special person. The unconscious mind, however, is always moving you away from what you fear and trying to keep you ... Read more

The Real Reason You Haven't Found Your Perfect Partner

By

Do you keep attracting the non-committal man or woman? You can see a pattern, but feel like the cause is outside of you. You blame your love problems on Match.com or the city that you live in or the men or women your age, but the reason you don't have your true partner isn't about any of those things. The answer for your loneliness is unconscious and, ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Stories we love
FROM AROUND THE WEB