Romantic love is filled with ups and downs. Almost everyone has had an experience of heartache whether a person has been married fifty years to his high school sweetheart or has been single into her forties. If you were like me, you probably had more of your fair share of love disappointments. I learned through the years that heartache is a choice, not something that happens to us, and there is a way to live heartbreak free.
You see, when experiencing a bad breakup or rejection, we mistakenly believe that the other person is the one who causes us pain. We feel helpless that they don’t need us anymore or that something is wrong with us making them leave. The powerless feeling of waiting for him or her to call in order for us to feel good is caused by our mind.
Are there jerks or bitches out there? Sure, some people do not care about other’s feelings and will trample on your heart without remorse. However, you are the one who decided that he or she meant so much to you. It was your choice to fall for him that created the heartache. You could have just as easily dismissed the person as losing you was their loss.
In your defense, humans are romantically drawn to those who won’t love them back because of the dysfunctional relationship patterns learned early in life. Many of these choices were subconscious and the heartaches are just repeating a cycle way before you even began to think about romantic love. There is a way to take back the reins of control over your heart so that you can break the cycle and have a healthier relationship experience.
A simple metaphor to romantic dependency is the puppet and puppeteer. The puppet has strings attached to a handle that controls the strings. When you choose someone as the object of your affection, putting them up on a pedestal as if they were the prize to be won, you become the puppet and hand over the handle control to them. Every move they make (or don’t make) pulls on your strings and dictates your emotional experience. You feel tied to them by an unseen force, dependent upon their returning love to you.
As the puppet your mind tricks you into believing that your happiness is controlled by the person you think you love. Your mind makes up stories and builds them up to be better looking, more appealing and nicer than they actually are to you. They are not doing anything to you; you are punishing yourself by allowing them to be the puppeteer.
In order to be heartbreak free, you must first realize that no one outside of you has the ability to make you happy. The only approval you need is from within, not from another person. You can consciously choose to not give your power over to a person who doesn’t love you the way you deserve. Building self-confidence and deciding that you are worthy of more, you take back the controls and acknowledge that no one can hurt you without your permission.
Whether you have been in a relationship for a while or just started dating someone, you always have the choice to hand over the puppet strings or to cut the strings away to be free. Due to past conditioning, you might not always be perfect at this. You may hand over the strings for a while until you realize that you can choose differently. Each time you get your power back, you become stronger and build a new habit of self-respect.