Looking for a quick fix for your love life?


Looking for a quick fix for your love life?
Learn how to avoid getting stuck on the self-help treadmill searching for that quick-fix for love.

I often tell people that it took me twenty years of personal growth work to get my love life on track. There are two reasons for the delay. One problem was that I wasn’t addressing my subconscious beliefs and everything I was learning just sat on the surface, never making any real change. The other issue is that I relied on quick fix a la carte techniques for a magical cure of my love woes. Both of these attempts to change my love life were futile.

This may sound familiar to you. Are you spending tons of money and time on the latest healing trend hoping that every new trick you find is going to be the key to changing your life? After years on the self-help treadmill you may wonder if there is something wrong with you. Some teachers make it sound so easy to attract love, wealth or heal serious illnesses with the power of the mind and you may be troubled as to why it isn’t working for you.

What I discovered throughout my search for a love-cure was that many people use a relationship dating technique as a complete philosophy. Energy work, tapping exercises and guided meditations are wonderful but they won’t bring lasting change without a whole system to support them. Clearing negative energy may mask symptoms but they are not going to give you the results you want in the long run. New problems will arise and you are back to where you started again, being afraid of your negative thoughts and feelings and searching for man to make you feel okay.

I am a big proponent of self-hypnosis. I think it is the best way to work with subconscious patterns, but hypnosis is only a technique. There were other elements that needed to be in place for me to attract my true love and build a successful business. Not only did I have to think differently about myself, I needed to change the quality of my relationships. I had to let go of the temporary men and I had to face and heal the past. The last piece, which was the most difficult, was to believe in the unseen – to have faith that true love and wealth was available to me.

When I relied on techniques, I realized that it was a way to avoid doing the real work it takes to change my deep-rooted unhealthy romantic habits. I wanted a quick fix without having to go too deep. Relying on some healer to take away my pain, I danced around my issues and delayed the arrival of my true love until I was in my forties.

So if you are wondering why something isn’t working for you, don’t get down on yourself and feel like you are helpless. Look beyond a technique for a philosophy of life that can be the foundation for you. Find a coach or mentor to work with on a regular basis to help you bridge the gap from where you are to where you want to be. Making transitions in life requires regular support and maintenance, not a pill every once in a while to numb the pain.

Get serious about investing in yourself for real change. I am not only talking about a financial investment but a deep emotional investment. Be brave enough to face the dark night of the soul and you will come out the other side stronger than ever. Nothing great was ever achieved easily, but it also doesn’t have to be such a long, hard journey. You deserve so much wonderful love and happiness and you are the one to decide how much you are willing to put into yourself to attain it.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Debi Berndt


Debi Berndt is the co-founder of CreativeLove.com, a personal development system for singles to stop fixing themselves and finally find true love. She works with her partner, Dr. Robert Maldonado (Psychologist). Their system was developed based on Carl Jung's work and influenced by Eastern Philosophy.  Debi is also the author of the bestselling book, LET LOVE IN. Get your free lecture and meditation - Why you are single and how to find love without fixing yourself here.

Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: CHT
Other Articles/News by Debi Berndt:

How can I love myself when I am always being rejected?


You hear people tell you, “you have to love yourself first and then someone will love you.” I used to hate that phrase.  Sure, it makes sense, but how do you love yourself when you are constantly being rejected or discarded in dating? This common self-help quote didn’t help me much. I tried to love myself. I took confidence workshops ... Read more

Pop Your Comfort Bubble & Open Up To Love


Are you afraid of being alone and single? Do you wonder if the search for true love will ever be over? Do you obsess over the idea, "what if I never meet anyone?" Most singles say being alone scares them and they fear never meeting that special person. The unconscious mind, however, is always moving you away from what you fear and trying to keep you ... Read more

The Real Reason You Haven't Found Your Perfect Partner


Do you keep attracting the non-committal man or woman? You can see a pattern, but feel like the cause is outside of you. You blame your love problems on Match.com or the city that you live in or the men or women your age, but the reason you don't have your true partner isn't about any of those things. The answer for your loneliness is unconscious and, ... Read more

See More


Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Stories we love