I was recently at a singles event on a panel of relationship experts and they asked me to describe the most important dating tip for single women. The advice actually didn’t come from me but out of a conversation I had with Roberto when we first met. He had dated a few women online before me and he told me that I was the first one who wasn’t bitter. I stood out by just being happy and kind. Imagine that?
I know first-hand how frustrating dating can be after forty. You feel like the pickings are slim and all the men want the twenty-somethings. The ladies aren’t the only bitter ones; I had my fair share of cranky men too. All their past frustrations are projected onto you as if you represent all the women who dumped them. The only guys that seemed to have charm were the ones who were the womanizers. Yes, and they are probably the cause of all those bitter women out there. The cycle continues.
When people have edginess they tend to feel like the world is against them, that life isn’t fair and they are ready to place the blame on whoever crosses their path. Being sour and defensive does not come from a place of power. When you are feeling this way, you believe that there is some force outside of you that is dictating your happiness and success in love. Your mind may tell you that you shouldn’t be open and kind until you know that it is safe. This is a position of weakness, being on guard, and being scared.
If you are the one who seems to always be the one complaining and negative about your single situation, you must take a new look at yourself in order to heal this pattern of behavior so that you can stop pushing potential partners away. Your deep mind (subconscious) is doing this to protect you from future hurt but is also preventing you from attracting true, lasting love. You are stuck in neutral.
When you interact with people, notice how kind you are to them. You can’t only be on your best behavior when you are on a date; you have to be in the practice of kindness and compassion in your everyday life. Those simple interactions with every person you meet from the grocery store clerk, the fellow commuter on the road or anyone who provides you a service shows so much about you and reinforces the pattern.
A good example of this is by witnessing how people interact with me and my company. I see all the emails that come through my website. Even though I cannot possibly answer them all personally, I notice everything. I am human and, yes, I do make technical mistakes once in a while and so does my small team. I can tell by the tone of the emails which person is going to have success in love and the person that is going to have a difficult time by how they treat me and my staff.
For the most part, people are very kind and appreciative from the start. They know my intentions are good and that I am always doing my best. I feel so happy for them knowing that their attitude is in the right place and they will be one of the successful ones and probably my next testimonial. They are coming from love and that is what they will get back every time.
Thank goodness this happens very rarely, but every once in a while I get a nasty-gram from someone and I know they are coming from a place of pain. All of their bottled-up frustration about being single is dumped upon me and my staff because they can’t open a file or login to their account. I send them love because I know their road to love is going to be a little longer and tougher until they change their attitude toward others.
How you treat others is a good indicator of how you treat yourself. If you are beating up on others all the time I can guarantee you are ten times harder on yourself. The secret to increasing your self-confidence and true love attraction is to start with kindness toward others. Your mind does not see a separation between you and other people. As you extend kindness and understanding to those you meet, you always get it back in one form or another.
If you have been a little cranky lately with your dating life, a great way to make a big shift is to take a 21 day complaint-free diet. When something doesn’t go your way, ask nicely for what you want and you will be surprised how much more you get from a simple, kind gesture. As you become more loving toward others, you can’t help but being that way toward yourself. Your inner dialogue will change and you will start a chain reaction of more loving people being attracted into your life.
Even if someone is mean to you, just brush it off and walk away and don’t complain about it. Silently send them love and compassion and remember that there is a scared little boy and girl behind their fierce angry face. Of course, this doesn’t mean to be a doormat to abusive people. Allowing others to abuse you is not helping them or you. You can just stop taking their actions personally and quietly walk away without feeding into their drama or carrying their toxic negativity around in your mind.
Kindness is the key to attracting a kind man. The true definition of karma is the law of cause and effect. You are in charge of the cause and the universe/God/Divine will bring you back exactly what you put out as the effect. You have the freedom to choose how you act and what energy you send out to be returned to you in perfect order. Love attracts love, so send some out there and feel its return ten-fold.