I was recently at a singles event on a panel of relationship experts and they asked me to describe the most important dating tip for single women. The advice actually didn’t come from me but out of a conversation I had with Roberto when we first met. He had dated a few women online before me and he told me that I was the first one who wasn’t bitter. I stood out by just being happy and kind. Imagine that?
I know first-hand how frustrating dating can be after forty. You feel like the pickings are slim and all the men want the twenty-somethings. The ladies aren’t the only bitter ones; I had my fair share of cranky men too. All their past frustrations are projected onto you as if you represent all the women who dumped them. The only guys that seemed to have charm were the ones who were the womanizers. Yes, and they are probably the cause of all those bitter women out there. The cycle continues.
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When people have edginess they tend to feel like the world is against them, that life isn’t fair and they are ready to place the blame on whoever crosses their path. Being sour and defensive does not come from a place of power. When you are feeling this way, you believe that there is some force outside of you that is dictating your happiness and success in love. Your mind may tell you that you shouldn’t be open and kind until you know that it is safe. This is a position of weakness, being on guard, and being scared.
If you are the one who seems to always be the one complaining and negative about your single situation, you must take a new look at yourself in order to heal this pattern of behavior so that you can stop pushing potential partners away. Your deep mind (subconscious) is doing this to protect you from future hurt but is also preventing you from attracting true, lasting love. You are stuck in neutral.
When you interact with people, notice how kind you are to them. You can’t only be on your best behavior when you are on a date; you have to be in the practice of kindness and compassion in your everyday life. Those simple interactions with every person you meet from the grocery store clerk, the fellow commuter on the road or anyone who provides you a service shows so much about you and reinforces the pattern.
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A good example of this is by witnessing how people interact with me and my company. I see all the emails that come through my website. Even though I cannot possibly answer them all personally, I notice everything. I am human and, yes, I do make technical mistakes once in a while and so does my small team. I can tell by the tone of the emails which person is going to have success in love and the person that is going to have a difficult time by how they treat me and my staff.
For the most part, people are very kind and appreciative from the start. They know my intentions are good and that I am always doing my best. I feel so happy for them knowing that their attitude is in the right place and they will be one of the successful ones and probably my next testimonial. They are coming from love and that is what they will get back every time.