Some people love the holidays for everything from the joyful jingles and decorations to the shopping and festivities. But when I was single, the holidays were not so jolly. If you are like me, you probably want to just hibernate until January 2nd. I used to think my life (and happiness) was on hold until Mr. Right came along. What I didn't realize was that my holiday blues held the key to why I didn't have love in my life.
When you feel that familiar unease, think of it as a part of you that believes you deserve more in life and it wants you to have love. This unsettled energy in you wants to be expressed through a romantic relationship. We think the triggers that show up during holiday season are bad, but the stress is actually caused by a battle between the part that wants love and the part of you that resists it.
Many people try to drown their relationship-related sadness with too many drinks at the company holiday party. They numb away that voice inside that says, "I want that too!" when they see a happy couple, or feel left out in a sea of families. Do you ever feel like that? If so, you understand the desire to run and hide and feel sorry for yourself — instead of facing your current reality. The key to finding love is inside the trigger. The idea of having a loving relationship should create excitement and anticipation, not pain. The discomfort is a clue that your desire for love is clouded with a lesser desire to feel good enough, worthy, or secure through another person. Your mind is reflecting back (by the way of emotional triggers) what you can't consciously see about your true beliefs around love.
If you truly believed love was possible and it was only a matter of time, then you wouldn't be emotionally tossed around when your cousin, co-worker or best-friend gets engaged. You would see their results as a reminder that love is also possible for you. You would be filled with joy for them and feel love is closer than ever.
Of course, we are not perfect! Knowing this intellectually is a lot easier than embodying it in your heart as true. In order to transcend your old way of thinking, you can start with using your holiday blues as a transformational tool.
- First step: Identify the feeling. Is it fear, anxiety, anger?
- Second step: Ask yourself truthfully, would meeting someone alleviate this feeling or magnify it?
- Third step: Give the feeling a character name (Scrooge comes to mind).
- Fourth step: Ask your inner scrooge what it really needs to feel better. Keep asking the question until you get to a feeling.
- Fifth Step: Find ways to give yourself this feeling every day so you don't feel dependent on getting it from others.
As you practice this exercise, you will notice that you are not as triggered anymore. You will start to say, "Good for them!" when you see a happy couple or "Yes!" with joyful anticipation. Happy couples are the positive aspects of your shadow. If you don't see people in love, you couldn't possibly have the potential inside of you.
Remember that the energy you put out is reflected back to you. Holding fear, anger, and anxiety will only bring more circumstances that reinforce those feelings. Why not focus on the happiness and joy so you can transform your external reality into circumstances and people who reflect that back? When you realize that the power and choice has always been inside of you as to how to feel and what you create, you tap into the limitless imagination of your spirit or soul. You start creating miracles in your love life.
So go ahead: thank all those gooey, happy couples for reminding you of what is possible — and you will be celebrating the new year with a lasting relationship sooner than you think.
More love advice from YourTango: