Focusing on blocks to love can keep you single


Focusing on blocks to love can keep you single
You get what you focus on, what do you want to get more of?

When you are feeling lonely and want to find a partner, the tendency is to focus on what is wrong. You may have been told that you need to work on your “blocks” so you can find love, but this approach actually works against you. You will get caught up in a never-ending cycle of fixing and feeling as if you are never going to “get it.”

By looking at yourself as broken or wrong, your mind expands and magnifies what you focus on. Just like when you are looking to buy a new car and find one you like, all of a sudden you start to see that car everywhere on the road. That is why you feel so exhausted in self-help, you keep focusing on what you don’t want. You are a creative being and your mind can either work with you or against you depending on where you focus it.

More from YourTango: Pop Your Comfort Bubble & Open Up To Love

I am not saying that there isn’t something inside that is stopping you from finding love, but let’s stop calling them blocks. No one can magically "clear or heal" them because they aren't real. Every human being was born into an insecure world and created a safety-zone for their emotional state to help them survive in the world. This process is the function of a normal, healthy mind, not a block or pathology.

As a society, we’ve been trained not to get too close, not trust the opposite sex and to feel as though life is tough and hard, filled with problems and struggle. Everyone has shut off the heart to some degree just by being alive. Of course, you can have surface relationships in this state and that is why relationships fail so easily and the divorce rate is over 60%.

Just because you are single, you are not broken. You just haven’t settled for the surface like everyone else. You don’t jump from drama relationship to another because you would rather have mediocre than be alone like your misguided married friends who try to tell you why you don’t have a man. You have a deep sense that there is a higher love available. Unfortunately, society tells you that if you aren’t in a relationship that something is wrong…that you are wrong for being alone.


More from YourTango: The Real Reason You Haven't Found Your Perfect Partner

Instead of focusing on blocks to love, why not actually calling them the KEYS to love. Think of these parts of you that are afraid as doorways to great love that most average humans wouldn’t dare to open. You, my friend, are the brave one who is up to the challenge. You aren’t weak or riddled with problems. You have courage to move out of your comfort zone for something greater in your life.

Face the doors that you shut away from love and open them up. Be the victor instead of the victim. Know that the fear is an illusion created by a little you who felt powerless and naked as an infant. You are not a baby anymore, you are a remembering the truth of who you are – simply divine. Don’t let the doors intimate you.

Creative Love is about creating something new and fresh, beyond your limited mind into the limitless imagination of true self. If you open the doors, you will find amazing people on the other side who also have awoken to their true potential and tapped into the magic of the human spirit. The other side of the door is where your true love lives.

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Debi Berndt


Debi Berndt is the co-founder of, a personal development system for singles to stop fixing themselves and finally find true love. She works with her partner, Dr. Robert Maldonado (Psychologist). Their system was developed based on Carl Jung's work and influenced by Eastern Philosophy.  Debi is also the author of the bestselling book, LET LOVE IN. Get your free lecture and meditation - Why you are single and how to find love without fixing yourself here.

Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: CHT
Other Articles/News by Debi Berndt:

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