Five traits that make him great to date but bad to mate


Five traits that make him great to date but bad to mate

Singles often fall into the trap of instant attraction without thinking of how the person would be in a long-term relationship. The traits that make a great husband or wife can often be very different from those of someone who is a great date. Not that you should ever settle for a relationship to last, but you may overlook a diamond in the rough because he or she is not what you initially expected or the usual suspects on your attraction vibe.

Although there are always exceptions, here are the five desired traits that singles seek but have a hidden downside:

1. Mr. or Ms. Charisma –

The Appeal: Who wouldn’t want to walk into the hottest party in town on the arm with someone with great charisma? He or she is such the life of the party that there is never a dull moment. All of your friends love this person because he or she is so great to be around. Downside: Everyone else loves him or her, and you may be lost in the shuffle at a social event. These types are usually very narcissistic and care more about getting attention for themselves than giving attention to you.

Better choice: Go for the low-key person with whom you privately have a great connection but he or she doesn’t feel the need to make a connection with everyone else in the room. A less dynamic person will be more likely to make you a priority and stick with you when the baby has the chicken pox or you are stricken with the flu. They tend to be more grounded and want a more-balanced lifestyle.

2. The Super Hot Guy or Girl –

The Appeal: No explanation required. Physical attraction is important. I am referring to the ultra-celebrity beauty not the pretty girl or guy next door.

Downside: Having someone incredibly good-looking can be a curse because they are constantly being approached (both men and women). The worse cases of these beauties are the ugly ducklings that turn into swans later in life. They can be consumed with needing constant attention from the opposite sex. Also, those who were always good-looking learned to use their looks to get what they want but never learned any other social skills like kindness and generosity. The physical attraction could be all that you like about the person.

Better choice: Your best bet is to go for someone who is attractive to you but doesn’t turn every head in the room. Their real beauty and appeal comes from the heart and being a top quality person. Of course, don’t take this as you have to settle for someone unattractive. Remember that everyone’s opinion is different. The person you end up with is typically not your physical type anyway. Be open to what is attractive to you.

3. Richy Rich or Diamond Darlene

The Appeal: Can I say champagne breakfasts, yacht excursions, weekends in Europe or just shopping on Madison Avenue without looking at price tags? In this economy, wouldn’t it be nice to find someone to take care of your money woes?

Downside: Not all wealthy people are like this, but some of them are successful because of their commitment to their business. Their job or company may always take a front seat to your needs. Money doesn’t make you a bad person but it also doesn’t make you a good person. Sometimes the wealth of a person can cloud your judgment. While you are sipping champagne at their pool, they could be on a business trip with one of their other gal or guy toys.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Debi Berndt


Debi Berndt is the co-founder of, a personal development system for singles to stop fixing themselves and finally find true love. She works with her partner, Dr. Robert Maldonado (Psychologist). Their system was developed based on Carl Jung's work and influenced by Eastern Philosophy.  Debi is also the author of the bestselling book, LET LOVE IN. Get your free lecture and meditation - Why you are single and how to find love without fixing yourself here.

Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: CHT
Other Articles/News by Debi Berndt:

Feeling That Crazy Chemistry? Watch Out! It May Be A Red Flag


Finding love should be as easy as following your feelings. If you look for chemistry, you cannot make a mistake, right? Wrong. The truth about default chemistry is that it is not related to love at all. If you are centering your love decisions on this feeling, you are sure to be heartbroken. Chemistry is what everyone is searching for in a partner. You ... Read more

Why You Must Stop Believing The Alpha Male Hype


The dating world is flooded with this idea of how to get an alpha male and how to be an alpha male. While the "alpha" concept on the surface seems reasonable, you want a confident person and attract a confident person but I believe this advice can lead to heartache for both men and women. The people who teach this don’t realize that there is ... Read more

Afraid You'll Never Find Love? Get Over It


Do you feel that no matter what you do, nothing seems to work out for you in your love life? The years are passing and you fear that you will be spending the rest of your life alone. Sometimes the fear is so great that you break down and get triggered after a bad date or someone you liked fell away. Your fearful ego is driving your efforts and, instead of ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Most Popular