Is the crumb-grabber in you picking your dates?


Is the crumb-grabber in you picking your dates?
Stop settling for less, believe you can have the love you want.

Puzzled (along with your good friends) as to why you haven’t met a true love yet? You feel over-healed with all of your “issues” and you know why you attract unavailable partners or no dates at all, but still cannot break free to love. You wonder, “Am I destined to be alone?”

I had the same frustration. It was driving me out of my mind. I knew I was relatively attractive and had a pretty good personality and wasn’t crazy, but still no man wanted me. I saw the guys I dated settle down with the next girl and I wondered, “Why didn’t he pick me?”

We have this battle going on inside with the part of us that wants great love and the other part that is settling for crumbs. Usually the crumb-grabber wins because she is the loudest and the most emotional. This ego part of us wants more of the same. So, if heartache has been a familiar friend, she will pick Mr. Non-committal every time.

What kept me single so long is that I gave crumb-grabber so much attention. I analyzed her, found her core beliefs, healed her wounds and played with her inner child. All these things were a great start, but there was an underlying message that I was broken and that idea that I was dysfunctional because I was single was what kept me stuck.

If you come from a place of wounded-ness, you can never feel powerful. Even after some healings, you will still have a tendency to be overly protective and scared to open your heart. You would unconsciously be afraid to get wounded again. No visualization or vision board will help this.

The real solution is to focus on something else, the part of us already inside that is divine and wants us to have great love. This divine self is pre-packaged for unconditional love. She just doesn’t get enough attention because the crumb-grabber is so loud and filled with emotional drama every time someone doesn’t call.

Einstein said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking that created them.” This applies to love and finding your partner. You cannot find a partner focused on fixing the thinking that got you to your current situation. You have to step outside and come from your creative mind of love instead of the limited mind of problems and past history.

The ego-self is so tricky, because it makes you think you are working on yourself and gaining momentum but most of the time you are just re-arranging the furniture. The more you uncover, the less you want to look inside. You just want to find your partner so you never have to go through this stuff again. The crumb-grabber has an endless volume of problems and issues like a bottomless pit.

Of course, there is some value understanding the default mindset. The key to changing your life is the true understanding of how the mind works, not from a place of pathology that needs healing. Once you see that everyone has the same struggles and fears, you realize that you are normal and that is the first step to creating a new future.

Single, married, divorced, separated, rich, poor…everyone struggles with the nature of their mind. We all have an ego to deal with and we all have a divine self that is capable of creating unlimited potential in our lives. We are all human and divine.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Debi Berndt


Debi Berndt is the co-founder of, a personal development system for singles to stop fixing themselves and finally find true love. She works with her partner, Dr. Robert Maldonado (Psychologist). Their system was developed based on Carl Jung's work and influenced by Eastern Philosophy.  Debi is also the author of the bestselling book, LET LOVE IN. Get your free lecture and meditation - Why you are single and how to find love without fixing yourself here.

Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: CHT
Other Articles/News by Debi Berndt:

Feeling That Crazy Chemistry? Watch Out! It May Be A Red Flag


Finding love should be as easy as following your feelings. If you look for chemistry, you cannot make a mistake, right? Wrong. The truth about default chemistry is that it is not related to love at all. If you are centering your love decisions on this feeling, you are sure to be heartbroken. Chemistry is what everyone is searching for in a partner. You ... Read more

Why You Must Stop Believing The Alpha Male Hype


The dating world is flooded with this idea of how to get an alpha male and how to be an alpha male. While the "alpha" concept on the surface seems reasonable, you want a confident person and attract a confident person but I believe this advice can lead to heartache for both men and women. The people who teach this don’t realize that there is ... Read more

Afraid You'll Never Find Love? Get Over It


Do you feel that no matter what you do, nothing seems to work out for you in your love life? The years are passing and you fear that you will be spending the rest of your life alone. Sometimes the fear is so great that you break down and get triggered after a bad date or someone you liked fell away. Your fearful ego is driving your efforts and, instead of ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Most Popular