If you're resentful from saying "Yes" to everyone but YOU, it's time to learn to say "NO"...Now!
What you say? I've been taught to be of service, the community comes first. I pride myself on helping others. It sounds pretty selfish to me. How can I do that? You don't understand! I've got kids, a job, a husband, an ailing parent to take care of, a to do list that won't quit!
I do get it. Totally! I've been there, held hostage in the vice of my inner critic who would claim to the world that I must do it all in some underlying guise of nobility. It's a booby trap!
Here's the deal, though. I am currently and whole-heartedly participating in the 30-Day Ultimate Blog Challenge which means I am diligently writing one blog a day for the entire month of April. It's a big commitment in time, energy and passion and I am loving it.
So today, as I was thinking about my values and the amount of time invested in this kind of challenge, I got to thinking about one of the challenges many of my 40+ female clients face which is not being able to say “No” to the onslaught of requests and demands being made on them. Time is precious and they feel as if they never have enough and never will with everything they have to do. Maybe she’s a working mom who is like a spinning octopus, holding something on each of her 8 arms, multi-tasking inefficiently like nobody’s business, her belly growing bigger with stored up resentment and destructive negative energy because she can’t say “No”...gracefully and without feeling guilty.
Or maybe she is single, successful and suddenly realizes that something is terribly missing from her life. But she doesn’t know what the something is. She just knows that the life she is living isn’t what she wants. She looks at other women, envies their lifestyle and wonders how they do it. What do they have that I don’t?
Then one day, she comes to me and says, “I am completely lost in the shuffle. Is this all there is? Who am I really? What is my deepest purpose and passion in life? There has to be more than this daily drudgery. But what?”
Of course, she doesn’t realize it or admit it if she even knew. Chances are that deep down she is operating what I call “The People Pleaser Syndrome.” The “People Pleaser Syndrome” is a real booby trap place to be in. Suddenly she is feeling hostage to her own need to people please. It always happens when we put others first without considering our values and our integrity. Sometimes the others aren’t even real people but rather those limiting beliefs and unconscious rules we have agreed to. The ones that go against our value of Personal Freedom. Until she learns how to say “No” to others she will never be able to say “Yes” to herself and reclaim her Personal Freedom.
Are you up for the challenge? Are you ready to reclaim your Personal Freedom? It’s easier than you think!
My 30-Day Ultimate Say “NO” To Others And “Yes” to Me First Challenge
Commitment statement: I always act with integrity. I am vigilant and attentive that when I say “Yes” to another person, I am not saying “No” to me. I give myself permission to put myself first without feeling selfish.
My Personal freedom is important to my ____________________________________________.
My Personal Freedom provides me with _____________________________________________.
When I don’t have my Personal Freedom my life is ______________________________________.
Every day for the next 30 days, I give myself permission to say “No” to demands that I cannot fulfill without “Yes” to me and focus on my Personal Freedom. I promise to treat myself to simple gestures of pleasure, indulgence and recognition to honor myself first and foremost. By taking time for myself and my needs, I am ultimately making room for more ______________________________ in my life.
Now go treat yourself to something special like a new journal to write in, fresh flowers every day or create a special altar just for you where you can relax and meditate.
Enjoy getting back in touch with your Personal Freedom! Share your comments and ideas with everyone here, too. I would love to hear how it feels to take back your Personal Freedom.
If you're struggling with that nagging feeling of giving too much, afraid to say "No" to others and "Yes" to you, I can tell you in less than 60 minutes exactly why you are behaving that way and what you need to do to change. Click here to take my proven Compatibility Index and find out what's holding you hostage to your Personal Freedom.
To your Personal Freedom,