Warning: May Cause Real Communication!

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Warning: May Cause Real Communication!
3 Secret Tips you have to know about on how to listen so he'll talk and how to talk so she'll listen

To understand this level, let’s first take a look at the other two levels of listening you need to be aware of.

1. Subjective listening is based on the listener’s agenda or needs. Whatever is said is perceived through the experience and filter of the listener who often uses the speaker’s words to trampoline into his own story. I call this one-up-man ship-conversation and it’s used by people who control and certainly don’t really listen. If you’re guilty of this, then now is the time to forgive yourself and pledge to change.
Here's an example – Your friend is upset and angry that her adult son still has not contacted her to thank her for the birthday present she thoughtfully selected, purchased and sent through Amazon. She knows it’s arrived.

 

Subjective listening  sounds like this.

Speaker – I’m really upset that Jeff hasn’t contacted me. It’s insensitive and next Christmas I may not send anything to him.
Listener -- Well, hey my kids never let me know when the check or gift has arrived, and I’m just used to it. Kids will be kids.
Yuck how does that feel?

2. Objective listening –   is completely focused on the speaker without thoughts about how the information relates to him or her personally. It’s a good start and can vastly improve communication even if it doesn’t get to the heart of the matter.

Objective listening sounds like this.

Speaker – I’m really upset that Jeff hasn’t contacted me. It’s insensitive and next time I may not send anything to him.
Listener – It’s really rough when your kids don’t thank you soon enough. It happens.

3. Intuitive listening – is about hearing the sensory elements of what is being said and intuitively connecting with the speaker. It’s about hearing between the lines.

Intuitive listening sounds like this.

Speaker – I’m really upset that Jeff hasn’t contacted me. It’s insensitive and next time I may not send anything to him.
Listener – It sounds like you’re hurt and disappointed after taking the time to get him a gift and not hearing from him at all. And this holiday his hard for you, too, since you’re so far away from your kids and won’t be seeing them this year. It sounds like you could really use some TLC. Would you like a big hug? Then be quiet. Be still. Trust that you don't need to fill in the silent gaps in a conversation.

Intuitive listening is putting words to the speaker’s feelings. It’s walking in their shoes and being completely focused on their experience and what they need.

If you can just be quiet and listen without interrupting, they will open up and tell you more than you could ever imagine. It’s really about giving the speaker the space to open up, without judging, suggesting, reminding, interrogating, giving advice or sharing your point of view.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
 
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