Warning: May Cause Real Communication!


Warning: May Cause Real Communication!
3 Secret Tips you have to know about on how to listen so he'll talk and how to talk so she'll listen

Or how to listen so he'll talk and how to talk so she'll listen.

Listening intently to another person may just be the most amazing gift you can offer. I used to work on the 24/7 suicide crisis line in France and we were trained in Carl Rogers non-directive empathetic listening skills. When a call would come in, I would greet the caller with, "Hello, SOS Amitié." And wait for the person to speak up. Sometimes it would take a rather long moment, moments in which hesitations and silences give a lot of information to the intuitive listener. When they would speak, I was totally focused on them. I would not interrupt, offer advice or suggest any course of action. Through open ended questions, I would guide the caller to opening their own doors to their own inner solutions.  And sometimes, they would just go on in a monologue for 20 minutes and all I would do was nod my head or give them a hmmmm, and leave them more space. The end of the call always went something like this, “I feel so much better. Thank you for everything you said to me!”  Most of the time, all I said was hello and good-bye.

More from YourTango: How To Get Him To Listen With Sensual Communication

How would you define this kind of communication?

It’s not really a full-blown conversation, is it? It’s more like offering what I call “The Gift of Gab” to another person. They get to gab and you get to generously listen. I know how challenging this can be for both men and women!

It's no secret that one of the big relationship challenges are the different communication styles between men and women,  As women, we often think out loud, start a story from the Garden of Eden and take a century to get to the point, weaving around through the entire history of the world in what we call goddess bonding, lingering over coffee, Girls Night Out or Stitch and Bitch. We talk nearly non-stop and we don’t always notice or get it when some people’s eyes glaze over with way too much information. Can you relate?

Men just want to bottom line it, get to the point, answer one question at a time and have time to mull over the answer rather than blurting it out. This will be discussed in another blog, but for the moment, ladies, remember not to stack your questions and count to 30 before you jump in with an impatient, "Did you hear my question?"

More from YourTango: Are You Guilty Of Being A Serial Communication Buster?

But back to active listening basics. When we really have something to share, both men and women could often use some real listening skills.  My example was intuitive listening, the deepest and most valuable kind of listening you will master. Listening at this level allows you to hear not only what is spoken, but what isn’t, to hear what is said between the words and sense the energy from the silence, the intonation, or the liveliness of the other person. When you listen at this level, you are able to connect at a very deep level with the speaker, engage with them, shift their energy and inspire them to confidence and action.

This is a profound experience and it’s in these moments where true rapport and trust is established, the foundation of all your relationships. This enables a buy-in, the resolution of conflict and real potential for creating, cultivating and communicating.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Hug Text

The Case of the Ex

Does the mother of his kids want him back?

Winter Pair

Exactly What to Say to Men in Difficult Situations

In dating, good communication is the key to meeting and attracting men… especially the right men.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>