Don’t stifle something important out of fear of hurting them either; It will only end up in wasted time for both you and your partner, and even more hurt in the end.
7. Make "Relationship Improvement" LISTS for each other...
About how you are currently feeling about your partner, and what your needs and desires are that are not being met by them. What could your partner do that would make you happier? What could your partner do to make the relationship work for you? What do you need in order to feel loved? Secure? Satisfied? Rather than just listing the negative things about your partner or your complaints, try to always state them in the form of positive requests so they are constructive and not hurtful.
8. Avoid Gossiping, “Venting” and Sh*t-Talking about your Partner to your Friends & Fam!
Really avoid the temptation to share everything (especially the negative things) that’s going on with your friends, family members, mom, etc. Don’t tell them all the details of your gripes about your partner or what they’ve done wrong, what they said in the therapy session, and so on. What happens when you do that is you end up tainting everyone’s opinions about your partner – so inevitably, THEY begin disliking your partner if the majority of things you talk about with them are negative things, and you start generating a ‘negative support group’ around you. This is NOT what you want when you’re trying to make a clear-headed decision and your goal is reconciliation. Because when things are going well, or you if you start talking about reconciling, these people that you’ve previously been sh*t-talking about your partner to will be the first to remind you of all those negative things, and will start nay-saying against your reconciliation, and swaying your decision. Not to mention that if you DO end up back together with your partner, now it’s going to be awkward because the people you ragged about him to will now hate him! I know you may want to vent a lot during this process, but beware the dangers of dissing on your partner to friends and family for this reason.
9. Seek Therapy, Relationship Coaching, counseling or other tools.
During this time of separation, one of the major purposes is to learn new tools and develop new communication and relationship skills that will strengthen your relationship and allow you to work through your issues and come out the other side stronger. The two of you should definitely go to relationship coaching or Therapy together to learn these new skills during this time, or else nothing will change if you get back together.
10. Work on yourselves and your own inner conflicts and weaknesses,
so you can be a better partner for your partner this next time around, if there is a resolution. This is also a time to work on YOURSELF! It does take two to tango and you need to take responsibility for your part in the relationship’s weaknesses as well, and not point all your fingers at your partner. Do whatever you can during this time to improve yourself, seek feedback from your partner about what you can do to meet your partner’s needs and desires more, and work to become that better partner, whether you do end up rekindling, or for the next partner you have.