4. Continue sensual touching. After completing steps 1 and 2, along with date night, you are ready for step 4. This is the exercise where you lay on your back with the stomach and front exposed. The same rules apply as before. Taking turns, sensual touch not sexual touch, remembering that the person touching is doing it for their pleasure. Again you can use hands, lips, light touching and caressing while getting in touch with your spouse.
These exercises are also designed to be aware of your spouses reaction when touching them, feel the exchange of energy between the two of you. This is why it is important to talk about the experience after the excersize and tell your spouse what you liked. Touch is an amazing way to connect with another person and in many ways can be more effective than talking and break down more walls of hurt and past pain than simply rehashing old feelings.
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Always be mindful of your spouse when touching them and if you notice they are uncomfortable, stop and touch somewhere else and then talk about the exchange after the exercise.
5. Slowly add sexual intimacy. Step 5 should only be started if the first four steps are completed with a better understanding of each other's bodies and both spouses are ready to move forward. All of the steps taken prior were to create intimacy, step 5 is to add in the sexual intimacy slowly.
The same rules apply again where each partner takes turns initiating the assignment. Start off this assignment with kissing your spouse, feeling their lips, tasting them and exchanging passionate kissing. Chemicals are released during kissing and this stimulates the mind to send powerful messages to the entire body.
After kissing your partner, be in the sitting up position in bed with the other spouse behind them, the spouse behind them is the one initiating the touch, this touch should have more of a sensual feel to it. Start the touching and kissing at the top of the head, face, neck working down the the body, softly caressing the chest or breasts, stomach, thighs and legs.
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Take the time to feel the other person getting aroused, listen to breathing, moaning or even laughing. When venturing between the legs for both male and female, be gentle in touch taking time to explore in a soft loving way, this is not about bringing the person to climax or it becoming a sexual experience. If aroused and naturally climax happens this is fine but not the purpose of the exercise. When the exercise is over talk about it with each other.