As a clinical sexologist and relationship coach, I have worked with women for many years that are desperate to find out “what may be wrong with them” some have been in marriages for years and confess to never having an orgasm. This is a real problem because; it causes frustration, shame, and can lead to lack of desire. All women are capable of having an orgasm, even multiple orgasms. The main issue that I hear over and over again from women is the lack of information on how to have an orgasm.
One big myth is that a man is going to help them with achieving this orgasm and that is not the case. A woman needs to understand he own body first then show a man how to help her achieve an orgasm. Many women buy sex toys in hopes of that doing the job but end up not using them correctly. Every woman with a clitoris knows or believes that this is the magic button, but it is not the case. The clitoris is there for the purpose of sexual pleasure, but over stimulation, can actually irritate the clitoris, and even desensitize the nerves. Using high powered sex toys or continued rubbing especially without proper lubrication or physical excitement to begin with can have the opposite effect.
Maturation is the first step to achieving an orgasm, and I do recommend a vibrator that has a low speed to it. When venturing into masturbation, the mind needs to be connected to the body, so that the thoughts that happen are going to help with the orgasm. Getting the mind excited, taking away the pressure and just relaxing is the first step. It can be a process for some women so take the time to enjoy it. Putting pressure on one self to have the orgasm is just going to cause more anxiety and frustration.
Start by using the vibrator on the nipples, then move down to the vulva (vagina) use lubrication if not self lubricated, and explore the outer lips and inner lips of the vulva. Do not penetrate the vagina if not self lubricated, use fingers or vibrator to explore around, take the time, to have the vagina swell and blossom. The vulva is an amazing part of a woman’s body, it swells and opens like a flower when excited and ready. Take the time to feel the difference, allow the body and mind to relax and feel the pleasure. Use the vibrator or finger around the clitoris, tease and excite yourself. Inside the vagina is the G-spot, it feels bumpy or wavy from other parts of the vagina, put mild pressure or rub the g-spot, think about how it feels, relax and enjoy the experience. The orgasm will build; it takes approximately 20 to 30 minutes to build up to an orgasm.
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Check out my videos:
on healthy female sexuality or set up an appointment for counseling and techniques with Dawn Michael Certified Clinical Sexologist