In my practice, I once had a session with a man who was interested in becoming more dominant in the bedroom with his wife. He was burdened by overwhelming fantasies of her telling him what to do in bed, but he assumed that she would never partake in that type of sexual interaction. He was struggling with physically maintaining his stamina as well, explaining that his desire to be sexual was diminished when he realized he couldn't act as submissive as he wanted.
He was worried that it was in his sensual nature to be submissive in the bedroom, and that if the two couldn't meet in the middle on this issue, the problem would grow larger. Typically, if you are a true "submissive" in the bedroom, acting dominant during sex does not feel as satisfying. People often attempt to deny their sexual preferences or fetishes, making them more loom larger and feel scarier than they really are.
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He explained that this was true — he really did feel sexually submissive — and trying to control his desire made it stronger. He admitted that he had gone as far as seeking out a dominatrix to control and punish him. After seeing her, he felt so guilty that it sent him into a spiral of denying himself any pleasure at all, unable to sleep with or please his wife. She felt frustrated and worried that she wasn't attractive to him, and the behavior cycled. Keep reading...
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