Where did the term cuckold come from?
The female equivalent cuckquean first appears in English literature in 1562. Cuckold refers to the fact that the man being cuckolded is the last to know about his wife's infidelity. This also refers to a tradition claiming that in villages of European time, the community would gather to collectively humiliate a man whose wife gave birth to a child that was not his own. This is where the humiliation aspect of the cuckolding first came into play. According to this legend, a parade was held in which the hapless husband was forced into wearing antlers on his head as a symbol of his wife's infidelity.
A cuckold in some areas of therapy is considered a fetish: As a clinical sexologist and intimacy counselor, I describe it as a marriage where cuckolding is practiced by a husband and wife where the husband derives sexual pleasure from watching his wife have sex with a man that has a larger penis. The couple forms an agreement in the marriage upon allowing the act of cuckold which can vary in degree of role play for some couples to a lifestyle of cuckolding. This knowledge and tolerance of the spouse's activities makes the person in such relationships a wittol, properly speaking.
As a part of the cuckolding, the husband watches his wife having sexual activity with other men in front of him or she tells him about her experiences after. The husband being the victim of the cuckold is a major element of the kink. In the fetish cuckolding subculture, the female is typically sexually dominant while the man takes on a submissive role, only becoming involved with her or her lover when she permits it—sometimes remaining completely celibate in the marriage all together. One of the main ingredients in the cuckolding marriage is the humiliation and for the husband to be withheld of sexual release until his wife decides to allow him to climax.
In some marriages, the husband may even wear a male chastity as a way of his wife controlling his orgasm, playing out the fact that he is not capable of controlling it himself as part of the role of being the submissive partner. Part of the sex play is also the comparison of penis size and shaming her husband for not having a large enough penis to give her full enjoyment of penetration. For many men in the fantisy of cuckold a black man is considered dominate and therefore has a larger penis.
Many times people will get the concept of cuckolding confused with swinging or polyamory, but cuckold is different in that the husband is still loved by the wife only, with him being the one to provide or allow her to be pleased by another man. He does not want her to fall in love with the other man, but just get pleasure from them. There are other aspects of submission that may take place and domination where the woman uses domination paraphernalia to tie her spouse up and spank, paddle, or flog him as way of punishment or shaming for lack of fulfillment of her sexual desire.
This may become a part of just the sexual play in the couple’s life or this may become a way of life for the couple depending on the degree of the cuckolding in the marriage.
Cuckolding is not a new practice and has been around for centuries, but it is a practice that sex counselors and sex coaches like me and others in the profession are knowledgeable about, to some degree. What is typically depicted in pornography does not explain the psychological aspect of cuckolding.
A man who may have these feelings of wanting to be submissive to his wife, or wants his wife to shame him, but lives in fear of anyone knowing is not as uncommon as we may think. My job as a Clinical Sexologist is to write educational articles as a ways to enlighten the public on sexuality and counsel couples and individuals who need help. Cuckolding is just one of the many kinks people have, but do not understand.
One of the main questions I get asked by men is, "How do I tell my wife and then if she does agree where do I find a person to start the cuckolding with?" As with any new adventure that a married couple takes with sex play it should be done slowly, and with respect for each other.
For more information on cuckolding or to set up an appointment with Dawn Michael in her office in Thousand Oaks, California visit me on my website www.thehappyspouse.com
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