Wow! It's the second highest heterosexual porn search term.
You've heard the term "cuckold" and know it's "kinky"... but what is it really? How does it work? And most importantly ... is it for you?
Sex counselors and sex coaches, like me, are knowledgeable about the practice to some degree. My job as a Clinical Sexologist and Intimacy Counselor is writing educational articles that help enlighten the public about sexuality in all of its forms. Cuckolding is just one of the many kinks people have but do not fully understand.
So, I'm here to answer your curious questions about this kinky ancient marriage practice:
Q. A cuckold marriage ... what exactly is it?
I describe cuckolding as a marriage where the husband derives sexual pleasure from watching his wife have sex with a man who has a larger penis.
The couple forms an agreement in their marriage allowing the act of cuckold, which can vary in degree from role play for some couples to an lifestyle of actual cuckolding (the wife engages with sex with other men in front of her husband). This knowledge and tolerance of the wife's activities with other men makes the husband in such relationships a "wittol," properly speaking.
Q. Where did the term cuckold come from?
The female equivalent "cuckquean" first appears in English literature in 1562. Cuckold refers to the fact that the man being cuckolded is the last to know about his wife's infidelity.
This also refers to a tradition claiming that in villages of European time, the community would gather to collectively humiliate a man whose wife gave birth to a child that was not his own. This is where the humiliation aspect of cuckolding first came into play. According to this legend, a parade was held in which they forced the hapless husband into wearing antlers on his head as a symbol of his wife's infidelity.
Q. What actually happens in a cuckold relationship?
In modern cuckolding, the husband watches his wife engage in sexual activity with other men either right in front of him, or she tells him about her experiences after. The husband feeling like a victim of the cuckold is a major element of the kink.
In the fetish cuckolding subculture, the female is typically sexually dominant while the man takes on a submissive role, only becoming involved with her or her lover when the wife permits it — sometimes he remains completely celibate in the marriage altogether. A main ingredient in cuckolding marriages is humiliation and denying the husband sexual release until his wife decides to allow him to climax. In some marriages, the husband may even wear a male chastity, further allowing his wife control over his orgasm.
Part of the sex play is also the comparison of penis size and the wife shaming her husband for not having a large enough penis to give her full enjoyment of penetration. For this reason, many men in the fantasy of cuckold consider a black man dominant.
Q. Is cuckolding the same as swinging or having an open marriage?
Often people confuse cuckolding with swinging or polyamory, but cuckold is different in that the husband is loved by his wife only. He allows her to experience pleasure with another man. But, he does not want her to fall in love with the other men, only just receive pleasure from them.
Q. Is "shame" the only way the wife makes the man submissive to her?
Sometimes submission elevates through the wife using domination or bondage paraphernalia to tie her spouse up and spank, paddle, or flog him as way of "punishment" or shaming for not fulfilling her sexual desires. This can occur just as sexual role play in the couple's life, or it can become a way of life for the couple depending on the degree of cuckolding in the marriage.
Q. Is the desire for cuckolding common (and is it normal)?
Cuckolding has been around for centuries and retains its popularity today. In fact, neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam found (after analyzing the contents a billion online search terms) that “cuckold porn” is second only to “youth” in heterosexual porn searches. (Although, it's important to note that what you typically see depicted in pornography does not explain the psychological aspect of cuckolding.)
In other words —a man wanting to feel submissive to his wife and have her shame him, but he lives in fear of anyone knowing, is not as uncommon as we may think.
One of the main questions I get asked by men is, "How do I tell my wife I want this? And if she does agree, where do I find a person to start the cuckolding with?" As with any new adventure that a married couple takes with sex play, this should all begin slowly and with respect for each other.
For more information on cuckolding or to set up an appointment with Dawn Michael in her office in Thousand Oaks, California or visit me on my website.