Signs You're Dating A Commitment Phobe


Signs You're Dating A Commitment Phobe
Love can be scary when your lover is afraid.

Relationships in general can be difficult when they are good, but what happens if you are dating a commitment phobe?

 When A commitment phobe  is being asked a direct question, he/she will usually have a difficult time answering it. A commitment phobe can be male or female, and may have issues in other parts of their lives with committing to many things. This type of behavior can be immaturity, and canbe the result of one not wanting to take responsiblity for one’s own actions, but it is mainly driven by the fear to commit.


Commitment phobes fear the unknown, are not confident in their own decisions or may lack the self confidence or maturity that it takes to over come those fears. They constantly string a person along, so they are not alone or feel lonely, only to run to the next person and do the same thing.  A commitment phobe never really finds true love or happiness in the relationship they are in because the other person is usually upset with them most of the time, frustrated, or leaves them. Once the person leaves, the commitment phobe may feel upset and realize what they have lost, and try to get it back.

  Until a commitment phobe can truly overcome their own fears of being intimately connected to another person, they will continue to be in and out of these unfulfilled relationships.

What are some of the benefits and some of the negatives of being a commitment phobe?

The benefits for a person

  • It makes their life flexible; if they have to cut and run, they can do so.
  • They don’t get too emotionally involved thus avoiding the pain of loss.
  • They can decide what and who they want to spend their time with. If something better comes their way, they are not breaking plans because they never made them to begin with.

The negative aspect:

  • There is the lack of connection with another person that provides a mutual respect for one another: a relationship that is built on friendship, love and partnership.
  • They don't allow themselves to get close enough to another person for fear of getting hurt.
  • They miss out on the amazing bond, connection, and deep love that comes with the risk of getting deeply involved.
  • With all of their relationships and friends, they are afraid to let their guard down, allowing these people to see who they truly are.

If you are dating a commitment phobe or if you are one yourself, be aware of what you truly want in your life at the moment.

As people get older, dating a commitment phobe may get frustrating, the excitement of youthful lust goes away and people mature and gravitate towards real connections. If you are in a relationship that leaves you confused and frustrated, you may be dating a commitment phobe.

For more information or to get help contact Dawn Michael intimacy counselor, dating coach (805) 732-7847

More Abandonment Issues advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Dawn Michael

Sex Therapist

Dawn Michael PhD ACS

Location: Westlake Village, CA
Credentials: BA, MA, PhD
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