Living day to day in a relationship with unresolved conflict is one of the reasons why couples fight over small less important issues. When anger or hurt happens over time in any relationship, with each person harboring unresolved anger it can slowly erode the love over time. Proper communication is the key to resolving conflict along with two people willing to listen to each other and understand. Couples can communicate with each other about what bothers them all day long and still not come to any resolution if the other person does not understand where they are coming from.
Listening is the other factor that goes along with resolving conflict, “that is actively listing” to the person communicating “paying attention”. There is one big catch, most couples that get to the point where they are ready to communicate, and have their partner ready to actively listen may not communicate properly. They may start out by putting their partner on the defensive, then that person automatically shuts down. As a therapist when I counsel couples one of the first concepts that I teach them is never to blame the other person and expect them to listen. The sentence should never start out with the intent of blaming or changing the other person. That will only shut down the conversation and put that person on the defensive. Starting the conversation with statements about how you feel, can never be argued, they are your feeling about you.
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