The ugly side of divorce, when one person does not want it over!

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The ugly side of divorce, when one person does not want it over!
Divorce is hard on everyone especially when children are involved

One of the worst types of divorce is when one of the spouses is in it for the fight instead of trying to make it amiable and in the best interest of the children. What is best for the children is often times not what happens in court but more of which side of the party has the most money for a savvy lawyer, dragging out the situation for years.

For people starting down the road of divorce the most import aspect of any decision should always rest on what is in the best interest of the children. When it comes to divorce without children involved, the marriage can be more easily dissolved without having to be attached to that spouse by the children for many years. Unfortunately couples who divorce and have kids together are in a long battle for some time until the kids turn 18 years old if they can’t come to an agreement.

For a spouse that may feel upset because they did not want a divorce or have ulterior motives to hurt the other spouse and use the children as pawns, will eventually destroy any family closeness that the children could have gained with two amibical parents. When starting out in the divorce mediation it can be one way to help the process go along smoother. Unfortunately in many cases the mediators working for the court system are often times over worked and don’t have the time to really do their best work to make sure that the children end up in the best situation.

When going to see the mediator each partner should always keep in mind that 50/50 custody is not always going to be the best answer unless the parents live close to each other and can have a working relationship, and can be flexible with one another. Most of the cases where the parents do not get along and it is a 50/50 split the children themselves have a very unstable environment having to adapt to a split day throughout the school week, with parents that are often times in disagreement. Having a routine through the week where the children come home from school to the same house every week day is more stable then rotating the week day; this gives the children the best stability.  As 50/50 split not only means half custody but half the money for the children is divided between parents. A parent that is more focused on the money and less on the best interest of the children can often times create a problem simply coming from a place of greed rather than what is best for the children.

Unfortunately the only real solution to this very big problem and one that is not often times taken is to have a family therapist who is not bias, become a part of the children’s lives and work with the family and court mediator to really determine what the best plan is for the children and present that to the judge.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Dawn Michael

Sex Therapist

Dawn Michael PhD ACS

Location: Westlake Village, CA
Credentials: BA, MA, PhD
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