As a clinical sexologist, I work with couples on their intimate lives, rather than on the "marriage" meaning we look at the relationship from the core of sexual intimacy. My belief as a counselor is that if couples have lost the intimacy in the marriage, then they basically are just roommates, partners or at best "just friends". Sexual intimacy in a marriage is what makes it a "marriage"! Most people would not have gotten into marriage to begin with if there was no sexual intimacy.
What is sexual intimacy?
Sex is different than intimacy, people can preform the act of sex without it becoming an emotional experience, especially couples that have been with one another for some time and view sex as a chore, or have to get it over with. Sexual intimacy is about bonding, making love, being connected to one another on a very personal level. The term making love is still a wonderful way to talk about sexual intimacy, and that is being in the moment with your spouse, as the two of you are having sex and emotionally connecting.
My work as a clinical sexologist is to help couples find the sexual intimacy in their marriage that they may have lost, forgotten, or perhaps never had. I teach couples how to get to know each other on a deeper level, by exploring touch and intimate moments in a new way. The program is set up for couples that are committed to working on the marriage and that is the sexual intimacy in the marriage.
I ask couples each week to do home assignments that involve getting to know each others bodies again in a non-threatening way, as well as to talk openly about the experience. Each week we check in and talk about the experience. The most wonderful part is that many times other areas of concern in the marriage go away, or the couple is able to talk more openly about the issues. I call this type of counseling marriage therapy from the inside out. Couples learn to love each other again, the marriage takes on a new flavor and the boning between the two is stronger as they get to know each other once again.