Are you closing the door on real love?
I had a great email from Norma the other day. Thank you Norma for admitting something I'm sure a lot of women are having issues with. It's a huge issue in so many relationships.
My name is Norma. I'm a 38 year old woman from California.
I know my biggest dating relationship problem is that I don't have effective communication skills with men. I'm the type of girl that always withholds and closes herself up to men in relationships. It's very difficult for me to express my feelings to them, and it's even more difficult to let them know my needs without sounding needy.
I would love a solution on how to communicate with a man in order for him to become attracted to me, not just physically, but emotionally. You know, for me to have the lifelong relationship I've dreamt about.
My ultimate relationship goal blah, blah, blah.
Norma, my dear...
Without communication, you have no relationship. If you always withhold and close yourself up to men in relationships, the good men are going to walk and the closed men are going to be right along with you not knowing what to do, not knowing what to say and not knowing how to have a relationship.
If it's difficult for you to express your feelings and even more difficult for you to let them know your needs without sounding needy, how are they going to know what you need?
We all need things in a relationship. Without telling your partner what these desires and needs are, no one's going to know. Nobody's a mind reader. So the first thing to do is to write down a list of all your needs, wants, and desires in a relationship. When you write down this desire list, ask yourself if it really sounds needy. Probably not. What do we truly need from another person?
We can get our own water. We get our own food. We can cook for ourselves and drive ourselves to work. We can get dressed in the morning. We can wipe our own you-know-what. What do we really need from another individual? Respect, love and communication.
I know when I'm in a relationship, my needs are simple. I really do need them to leave me alone. I truly enjoy my alone time. I truly enjoy being able to hang out with my friends. I enjoy being able to spend days by myself and travel a week to three a year by myself. I need time to regenerate. I need time to refocus and appreciate a relationship. Expressing those needs to a woman is very simple. I tell her. I really need to be left alone.
And it's not hard.
What you'll find in time is people will start to respect you. If you can talk about your needs instead of hiding. Instead of trying to make people guess. Communicating who you are in a relationship is powerful.
How can somebody know who you are if you don't express your needs, wants and desires? If a woman is closed off, a man is going to think to she doesn't like him or she's not that into him.
I ask a woman how she's feeling and what she's thinking about. By doing that, I'm able to break down those walls. But I'm a trained communicator. This is what I do for a living. I teach people how to communicate. I teach communication skills between the sexes.
So you're going to have to learn to get rid of the fear. If you continue to have relationships without communicating your desires, you're not going to have real relationships. You're going to have a series of short-term unsatisfactory encounters. You’ve also said you want to have the lifelong relationship you've dreamt about. When you dream about something, you're outcome driven.
When you dream about the princess Disney movie relationship, you're going to get into trouble. A relationship is based on everyday open, honest communication. How about trying that?
Learn to communicate. Learn to express, and your dreams will dissipate to a beautiful reality that will surpass whatever your dreams might have been.