It's cliche, but honesty really is the best policy.
A friend of mine, Daniel, went out on a first date the other day. My friend, being in the business I'm in, always seems to share things with me. What he said to me was really interesting, and it made me think. After their date, the woman sent him this text:
Woman: "I had so much fun with you."
Daniel: "Me too! I can't wait to see you next time. I really wanted to kiss you, but I can wait."
Woman: "I can't wait to see you, too. But I'm not ready to kiss you, yet."
It was at this moment Daniel starts to gets in his head. He's not exactly good with vulnerability and honesty. He called me up, and said, "David, what do I do? Is she not attracted to me?"
It was really cute and sweet. I think it's something that a lot of women don't understand. My friend's a little younger, about 32. He was little panicked. He asked, "Is she not attracted to me? Does she not want to kiss me? What do I do? What do I say in this moment?"
I explained to Daniel that he was dating a woman who understands the power of honesty. If he's smart he'll respect her honesty and hold on to her tight. True honesty is rare and absolutely beautiful to receive. I told him to text her back and say this: "I just want to get to know you. Whenever you're ready for that kiss, my lips will be waiting."
Alright, sounds a little bit like a romance movie, but I thought it was sweet. I could be a little romantic and cheesy at times, too. She sent him back a smiley face and said, "Thank you for understanding."
The power of honesty. It's so sexy, but I think most of us need to learn how to use it. As a woman right now reading this, I think you have a lot to learn about men. Most women do. I shared this story about my friend for two reasons.
- I want you to be more honest with the men you're dating. I want you to be more forthright about how you feel and about what you are and are not ready for.
- I want you to understand men may react in a certain way because men are extremely sensitive when it comes to letting go. They're unsure of what you're telling them. They think they've done something wrong. So even though you're being honest, I don't want you to fear the honesty at all. I want you to embrace the honesty and be prepared, since there may be repercussions.
He might feel a little blown-off, so you might have to explain it a little bit better. Explain that your decision has nothing to do with him. You would feel this way no matter who you’re with. Your decision is based off where you are in your life right now.
Thank him for understanding, for being patient with you. Even though men aren't usually talkative, they need to feel heard. They need to feel you take their emotions into consideration when you make a decision. So, even though your choice may not have anything to do with him, letting him know you appreciate his understanding helps him know you care.
Clarifying things is really important in the beginning stages of any relationship. So many people try to hide who they are on those first dates because they want to be liked. The first date, the second date and the third date you should be the most honest.
You're not looking to fool around, you're looking for a relationship. The only way to find one is to allow someone to get to know the real you. So the more you clarify things, the more honest you are about things, the greater chance you're going to get past those awkward first few dates. So you can really get into the nitty-gritty of who the two of you are as people and whether you'll work as a couple or not. Honesty is important, whatever you feel.
Don't rush sex. Don't even rush the kiss. Don't rush anything. Express yourself. Express yourself clearly. Understand you're dealing with a man who may or may not be super sensitive. But when you are honest and you embrace the power of honesty, you'll find that the relationship you crave, want and desire will start magically appearing.
Your communication, which is the key to any relationship, is going to be there from the get-go. No guesswork. There's no reason to have guesswork at all. You should never have to guess what someone is thinking, and you should never assume they know what you're thinking. You should always be clear and well defined.
Be honest. It's the best policy.