Sure you love your cute little pooch, but is your furry friend putting men off dating you?
"Little Dog Syndrome." I see it all the time, and let me tell you something, it's a huge problem. In fact, it's probably pushing men away from you. I remember one time I went out with this woman. She picked me up in her car. We were heading out to dinner, and as I climbed in the car, I see a little dog sitting on her lap.
I was thinking, "We're going for dinner. Surely she's not bringing that giant rat looking thing into a restaurant with us?" As we're driving along getting to know one another, she's taking little breaks in the conversation to tell this little dog that, "Mommy loves you very much."
Cute? No, I wanted to throw up! My penis retreated as far as it possibly could into my underwear. It kept itself hidden saying to me, "Yo, David. I don't care if she's hot. We're not sleeping with little dog Mom!"
So did she bring the dog to dinner? No, but she did tell the dog she loved it 14 times before we left the car, and another 14 times when we got back into it. What a turn off. And let me tell you something:
I love dogs. They're great. But they're not a substitute for what's lacking in your life. Now this isn't a proven fact, but I believe it 100 percent, and that's that a lot of these women walking around with purse dogs, really long for a purse kid.
I see it all day long; women who dress these little dogs up in booties, little sweaters, sparkly collars, and coats. For some reason or another, these women haven't met the right man, and now their womb has a vacancy they try to fill with a dog.
How about the people who take the little dogs on vacation? Are you kidding me? You think the dog knows where it's going? I met a woman one time, and I didn't end up dating her because she told me, "I take my dog on all my trips. She simply must come everywhere with me!"
I was imagining the three of us going down to Cancun together in a beautiful hotel. Or taking a trip to Manhattan and me having to walk her while it's freezing outside. I can't think of anything less romantic.
Dogs are not substitutes. They're not substitute partners, and they're not substitute children. Go to a park this afternoon and talk to some of the people with dogs. Half of these people are totally nuts! The things they talk about are crazy.
And before you get upset with me and say I have no compassion, I understand some people get lonely, and a cat, dog, gerbil, fish, and other small animals take the edge off the loneliness, but don't take it too far.
When you finally have a man in the car next to you, make sure you show him the love, and give the dog a little less. He doesn’'t envision a life with you and a little dog, because a lot of guys don't want to walk around with a purse dog all day!
Dogs can stay at home! They don't care if they're at a nice restaurant. They don't need romantic walks on the beach. And they don't need designer underwear. Dogs are no longer allowed on dates. And when you're going to bed with your man, the dog should be sleeping alone, not in Big Momma's bed!
Men crave intimacy. We don't crave a dog's butt in our faces when we wake!
More advice from a Dating Coach on YourTango:
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