“I love you. You're the best. I love listening to you. I love everything about you. You do no wrong in my book. Oh my god, you're so amazing. Oh my god, it's so cute the way that you eat your cereal. I love the way you roll over in the middle of the night and mumble in your sleep—it's so cute.” Now fast forward a year later.
“Stop talking in your sleep. God, your habits are irritating to me! Will you stop talking so much? I'm busy. Shut up. I hate the way that you chew your food. Why do you call me in the middle of the day for no reason at all?” Isn't it amazing what a year does in a relationship? You go from loving somebody's balls to busting their balls constantly. It's unbelievable how a relationship evolves. And then they always say to you, “We need to talk.”
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Really? Who wants to talk to somebody that's constantly disagreeing with them or busting their balls? Nobody. Because when you actually sit down and have a conversation, you're not going to listen anyway, you're just going to wait to jump in and blast the other person's balls for a point that you want to make.
In the beginning of a relationship it's full of “I love you’s” and “You’re the best”. You know why? Because you're under the drug called Oxytocin. And then some months later reality sets in and you learn the real person you’re dating, and they start irritating you.
So, how do you save a bad relationship? Three ways. STEP NUMBER ONE: ACTUALLY LISTEN TO THE PERSON.
Allow them to talk, even if it's 20 or 25 minutes, without interrupting, without getting your point across, without having to say something. Allow them to talk and listen to them, like you did before, with no judgment. STEP NUMBER TWO: CLEAR A SPACE IN YOUR HEART.
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Try to remember all the things you loved about them in the beginning. This is very important. There is a reason that the two of you got together. There were qualities about this person that made you commit to exploring a deeper relationship. Take some time to pull back and clear your heart of the anger and negativity. Then see why you loved this person in the first place. STEP THREE: ASK YOURSELF, “DO I LOVE THE PERSON THAT'S IN FRONT OF ME?”
That’s who that person really is. You're no longer under the influence of the first six months of La-la-ville and you're now seeing who the real person is. Do you love that person? Do you honor that person? Do you respect that person? Do you want to love that person? Do you want to do things for that person? Do you want to be with that person? Stop busting each other's balls when you're in a relationship and start seeing whether you can live with each other's balls.