Are you playing it cool even though you want more from a relationship? Here's why you must stop now!
Have you been playing “the label game?”
You've met somebody. You're playing it super cool. You're not exclusive… yet. But you’re more than just a date. You don't use the L word. The L word is absolutely forbidden in this relationship right now.
You're cool when he doesn't call, even though you’re a little upset deep down. When you see him you're excited, but you don't want to act too excited. You're playing it cool and so is he.
You know how many people play the label game and play it cool when they actually feel more about their partner? They call it the “more than dating but not exclusive stage.” People do it all the time and it drives me nuts!
It seems like every day on my blog the same question crops up. “David, I’m dating someone right now. I really like him and it’s going well. The trouble is I don’t know what to say to him, or how to play it. I don’t want to freak him out or rock the boat. We’re both playing it so cool.”
Let me ask you a few questions right now…
How's playing it cool REALLY suiting you?
Is this the authentic version of who you are?
Is it how you want a relationship?
I remember one woman who contacted me a while ago. She’d played it cool with a guy for three years straight because she didn’t want to come on too strong. In the end he didn’t think she cared about him and left her. Not only that, but she later found out he’d married someone else.
They saw each other regularly. They were lovers. The guy even took her on holiday. But just because he didn’t say the L word she decided to play it cool. In her mind if she played it cool it would make him want and desire her. Look how it ended up for her!
I don't believe in playing it cool. I believe every relationship has a definition to it. Every relationship has energy about it. The cooler you are with him, the cooler he’ll be with you. Men like and respect women who define what they want.
I like it when a woman sits me down after dating for a month and says, “Hey, I like you. I'd like this to be a relationship. I enjoy being with you. I don't want to date anybody else.” I respect someone who speaks authentically, and is open about what they want.
Why be something you're not? If you’re an authentic, powerful, strong, sexy woman, you shouldn’t play it cool if you want more. There are guys that will take advantage of it. Some guys won’t be as emotionally evolved as you. When they see you playing it cool they’ll assume you’re not serious and will go play around. How are you going to feel then?
What about if you’re already in a “relationship” but you’re playing it cool?
Then it’s time to sit down and have a heart to heart with the guy. Tell him you’d like a little bit more and see what he says. You don’t have to use the L word, but at least let him know you’d like to become exclusive.
I know how powerful love can be, and how vulnerable it can make you feel. But if you really like a guy you need to take control and stop waiting. Play it too cool and you become the girl he just has fun with. The girl he likes to have sex with. And the girl he hangs around with now and then.
If he’s looking for more of a commitment then your coolness will probably end up chasing him off. He may want more from you but fears rejection if he admits his feelings. Somebody has to step up to the plate and talk about how they feel. As a guy I’m always stepping up to the plate, but that’s the way I’m wired. Not all guys are wired the same way.
You've got one shot at this thing called life. I want to empower you as a woman, so you can become the best version of yourself possible and achieve whatever you desire. That’s what life is about. It’s about taking chances, seizing the moment, and being open and vulnerable to whatever relationships throw at you.
That’s why I created my Women’s Mastery Series to coach you through virtually every single aspect of interacting with men from mindset, to how to attract, to image, and all the way to the bedroom. You can find out more about it HERE.
But in the meantime stop being so cool!
If you like the guy you’re with then tell him. Tell him you want to define the relationship and take it to the next level. If he flakes on you then he wasn’t right for you from the beginning.