Valentine's Day: The day when Hallmark stock price shoots through the roof, and restaurants double the price of their menu. Doesn't that drive you crazy? For men, Valentine's Day is a minefield we have to negotiate carefully. One forgotten box of candy, or a bunch of cheap roses from the local gas station, and we're likely to endure a month of stern looks and icy silences.
But it isn't just the male population who generally dread Valentine's Day. A lot of women hate the 14th of February; especially those who are single. Are you a single woman dreading Valentine's Day 2014? I know how horrible it can be for you. There you are sitting in your office, and all day long you have to watch the procession of heart shaped candy boxes, red roses, and giant teddy bears flowing past you.
The other women in your office chirp to each other about how amazing their boyfriend is, and how "he's so sweet. I think he's the one." And all the while, there you sit. Quietly getting on with your day, trying to shut out the fact that once again, the only Valentine's cards you got came from your Dad, and your gay best friend. You tell yourself it doesn’t matter, but deep down it hurts.
It's lonely, it's frustrating, and it can be downright embarrassing. Your workmates try to play down the fact your desk is empty, but you know they're secretly whispering, probably in pity about you. It's not fair. I mean, how comes your single? Why don't you have man showering you with love and gifts today? What have you done SO wrong that no man wants to spend the "most romantic night" of the year with you?
You console yourself with the fact that tonight you'll treat yourself to a tub of Ben and Jerry's and a bubble bath. Sure, it would be nice to have a strong, sexy, loving man to share it with, but you'll get by.
But here's the thing…
It's OK to be single on Valentine's Day. In fact, it's OK to be single on any other day in the year too. It doesn't mean you're unattractive, it doesn't mean you can't meet a man, and it doesn't mean you're going to be on your own forever.
There seems to be a bundle of pressure in the media for women to be in a relationship. We're a society obsessed with who's dating who, and which celebrity females are "stuck on the shelf." Do you remember the fuss they made when Brad Pitt left Jennifer Anniston to be with Angelina Jolie? They turned Anniston into a "poor, rejected woman," we should all feel sorry for, but how did it make the rest of the female population feel? I mean, if Jennifer Anniston, hot, sexy, successful a-lister can't hold down a man, how the hell can you?
Forget what the media say. Forget the retail outlets shoving cards and candy down your throat, and forget what your friends and co-workers are doing. They have a boyfriend this year. Good for them. Your time will come. SO many men out there would love to date you. There are so many decent, good-looking, relationship-ready men out there looking for love, it would make your head spin.
I work with them every day. I meet them on my boot camps. They all want to know, "David, all I want to do is find a woman I can love and connect with. Why haven't I met her? Why can't I find a woman to share my life with?" These guys are desperate to meet you. But think about it… There are millions of people out there. The amount of luck it takes to run into someone you truly connect with is huge.
Have you heard the Michael Buble song "I Just Haven't Met You Yet?" There’s a part in that song where he sings, "I might have to wait, I'll never give up I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck. Wherever you are, whenever it's right, you'll come out of nowhere and into my life." Those lyrics are so true. A big part of finding love does come down to luck and timing. One day, when you least expect it, that man you've been dreaming of since you were a little girl, will come out of nowhere and rescue you. But you can't give up. You can't give up on love, and you can't give up on yourself.
You are a strong, beautiful, sexy, sensitive, and nurturing woman. You deserve to be loved in all the ways you fantasize about. You deserve to spend your nights in the arms of a man that adores you, and it will happen. There are two things you need to do in the meantime, and they could even speed up your dream man's arrival.
The first is to take the pressure off yourself. So what if you haven't been in a relationship for a year or two? It doesn't matter. There's no race and no time limit. If you're the last one of your friends up the aisle, who cares? The more you pressure yourself to meet someone, and the more you stress about being single, the less you have of meeting someone. Relax, open up, unlock your sexual energy, and learn to flirt with men. The rest will take care of itself.
The second, and most important thing for you to do, is to work on yourself. You have to love and accept yourself for who you are. So many women I speak to start to devalue themselves when they've been single a while. A man doesn't validate you. A man doesn't make you any more worthwhile than anyone else. A man doesn't need to complete you. You're already complete, but until you start to love yourself, you're always going to feel like something is missing.
In my popular dating program for women, "What Men Desire," I devote a whole module to learning the art of self-love. It's so important to master, and if you don't have a copy of the program, go grab one, and get straight volume 1, called, "The Art Of Self-Love." In the meantime, relax, and let all the other women in your office eat their disgusting heart-shaped candy.
Have you ever looked at how processed those candies are? You don't need cards and flowers to make you the beautiful, inspirational woman you are, and one day, it won't be me telling you this, but the guy you've always dreamed of.
Happy Valentine's Day!
More Valentines Day ideas on YourTango: