You've recently found yourself single but your ex is still a thorn in your side. You just can't seem to let them go. You romanticize about all the good times you had together, and forget the reasons you're not together anymore. It's funny how our mind tricks us into only remembering the good times. You forget all the arguments you could torture your friends talking about non-stop. You forget how he pushed your buttons deliberately, and you forget how many times you cried. He's moved on. You haven't.
You meet guys, but you just can't move on. Your ego won't let you. You want him back. You start reading books online about how to get your ex back. You start reading books about psychology, and thinking, "I'm going to try and work on him a little. I'm going to make him think of me in another way. I'll change and then he'll want the new me." This is where it's really sad. The new you is just the old you. The new you is just a more evolved version of you. You're growing in different ways. You should never change to become what someone else wants. When you were together, he wanted you to change and you told him you wouldn’t. You didn't want to change because you knew nobody should expect you to be someone you're not. Now in your clouded desire to have him back, you feel like you should have changed when you had the chance.
Now you're romanticizing your ex because he's moved on, and you can't accept it. You tell yourself, "I’ll show him." Stop it. The only changes you should make are the ones that will help you to move on and grow. And what about your ex? You need to embrace his path. He might even be with another woman now, and if he is, embrace it. Allow him to get on with his life. Sting had it right when he said, "If you love someone set them free." If you love someone, you need to let them grow, prosper, and blossom without you. You've taken them as far as you can. Tell them that. Show them the love you used to show them before you got into the battles that tore you apart. Show them the care you showed them before you started trying to change each other.
The next time you're pining over your ex, wondering if you can change and become the person they wanted you to be, say this to yourself, "I’m an amazing, beautiful woman. I’m an amazing person. And I’m going to find someone I can blossom with in a whole new way." Allow yourself that, and allow your ex to move on. Encourage them on their journey, because it's the only way you'll be able to move on with yours.
You see, love means no ownership. Love means forgiving. Forgive your ex for whatever part they played in the breakdown of the relationship, and forgive yourself for your part. Appreciate all the lessons you learned from him. Be thankful for how they helped you grow as an individual, and let go off any bad feeling. The only person it really holds back is you. So stop pining over your ex, let them go, and set yourself free!
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