Do you know how to end a relationship?
A lot of you don't. A lot of you have no idea when to “call it a day” with your partner. I’m not pointing fingers here because I’ve been notorious for staying in relationships much longer than I should have too. The reason we have so much trouble ending a relationship is because we so want to believe in the other person.
We still love them. We still remember how it used to be. Our emotions are geared that way, because we always want to believe the best in somebody else. So we figure “Maybe one last conversation, one final talk, maybe they'll see the light, and they'll change. They'll finally see things from my point of view. Or they'll finally want to grow together and see how beautiful this relationship is.”
Let me tell you, I've been there so many times. I've done couple's therapy, and I've talked to my women until I was blue in the face.
I figured I'd rephrase it and send a beautiful e-mail. I'd get on the phone. I'd take her out to dinner and we'd talk. I'd rephrase it any which way possible. But the problem is, sometimes there are dynamics in a relationship that will never ever change. It’s when you get to that point you need to decide whether to continue.
So how do you know when to end a relationship?
It's time to call it quits when the conversation is exhausted. When there’s an issue neither of you can accept anymore. No relationship is perfect. There's always going to be problems no matter how good you are together.
When I start dating a woman I tell her we're going to argue, we're going to fight, and we may even hurt one another. What we need to do is learn to get past those arguments, fights, and disappointments quickly.
That way we’ll learn to love each other deeply, and the conflicts will come less and less. The problem is in so many relationships it happens the opposite way around. The conflicts get bigger and more regular.
A friend of mind once told me, if your relationship is starting to break down it’s probably because the other partner has made a conscious decision not to fulfill your needs. They’ve decided not to cater to your wants, needs, and desires because they’re now in conflict with their own needs.
You can't make somebody do something. You can't make somebody love you the way you need to be loved. It's a choice that they have to make, and if they decide not love you the way you need, you just have to accept that decision. You then have to accept the relationship is now probably over.
Yes, it’s painful. Yes, it hurts. But you have to remember there are other relationships out there for you. Learn lessons from the one that’s ending, and make sure you apply them in your next relationship.
If you're at that point in life where you're thinking of ending a relationship, my heart goes out to you. I know how hard it is, but I'm also going to tell you it’s probably going to be one of the best decisions you ever make.