Dating Ups And Downs
Dating is a process a lot of us really can live without. It’s an emotional roller coaster that can drive you to drink four year-old bottles of Mike’s Hard Lemonade from the back of your refrigerator. There are so many ups and downs of dating.
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Here is my top 10 list of the most frustrating dating ups and downs and how to feel better about them:
1) We made out in the parking lot and they never called again. Making out is fun! You needed it. They needed it. Don’t beat yourself up that you did it, just realize you did it. You needed some tonsil hockey and to cop a feel. Be okay with it. It was a great date. You were in the moment, and you experienced something that you wanted to do.
2) I texted them the next morning and said “I had a great time last night,” and they never texted back. So what? You had a great time last night. So did they. They just woke up, and their post-date recap was different from yours. Yes, they probably had a good time but when they thought about it, the chemistry and the “it” factor wasn’t there. It’s not about you. At least you were honest. You lobbed in an honest text. So you did all you can do.
3) Stop the mental post-date recap abuse. You went out with somebody with whom you thought you had a connection, and it turns out you didn't. So now you’re going to mentally torture yourself for the next four days trying to figure out what you said wrong. You’ll even torture all your friends asking them what you could have done differently to have a different outcome. There is nothing you can do differently after a date is over. It wasn’t the conversation about your drunken uncle that you now think made him think you're a budding alcoholic. The post-date recap is a form of mental torture. You will never know what that other person is thinking unless they call you. If they don’t call, it really does mean that he or she is just not that into you (which is about the only good advice from that ridiculously stupid book).
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4) Should I have said something different in my voicemail message? You left a voicemail message, and now you’re replaying it in your head a thousand times. “Was the way I said 'Last night was fun' not with enough enthusiasm? Is that what is making the person not call me back?” When it comes down to voicemail messages, the shorter the message the better it is. From an old sales technique, I always prefer to say “Last night was fun. I have something really funny to share with you the next time we speak.” That’s it . . . it creates a little bit of intrigue, a little bit of mystery and no mental torture.
5) Who cares what they think? You left the above voicemail message without knowing if you'll ever see them again, and they don't call you back. You start to think “Now they know that I like them ... and they don’t like me.” So what? Is it better just not to do anything? Is it better to just sit there and hope and pray that they call? I always believe in being honest. If you’re the one who left the voicemail message and the other person doesn’t call back, again so what?? You’ve got to do what feels right for you.