Ladies, here is what you need to know, and all ye ever need to know if you’re going to have a meaningful substantive relationship with any man. First, you must have good conversation, must enjoy each other’s company, and must connect on a spiritual and intellectual level. Second, you must have physical attraction. Attraction is subjective and it can’t be forced, no matter what your other dating book says. Third, both of you must be ready to attempt intimacy and commitment with one another. For both men and women, this comes at different times in life. Some people are ready for long term intimacy and commitment at eighteen, some at forty-eight, and some are never capable of it, or are simply not willing to do the work that it takes to achieve it. Fourth, you both must be willing to accept that love is not just about being hot and bothered for one another. In all relationships where two people are both emotionally and physically available to one another, initial feelings of passionate lust eventually wear off. This happens at different times depending on the couple. When this happens, you begin to regain part of your identity and it’s at this point where the real work of a relationship begins. Often, this work is called love.
Stop looking for easy answers to life’s most complex and challenging issues. There is no mind game that will bring you real satisfaction and a lifetime of fulfillment. Instead of trying to figure out ways to manipulate men into loving you, spend time becoming the best person you can be and get proactive with your dating life. Meet as many men as possible until you find a natural meaningful connection with someone who is also willing to make a real attempt at intimacy and commitment. Believe me, they are out there. However, this much I guarantee—as long as you stereotype men and underestimate their intelligence and their complexity, you will never find a meaningful experience with one. And as long as you continue to buy into pop theories of attraction, you will continually be chasing your own tail.
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