When I sat down to write my book, Always Talk to Strangers: Three Simple Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life, I had one thing in mind—to get men and women back on the same page when it came to meeting each other. As a dating agent who actually works with men and women on a daily basis, as opposed the inexperienced authors of chick lit that have become bestsellers, nothing frustrates me more than hearing women talk about the mind games they think they must play to get a man’s attention. Women, let this article serve as a wakeup call. There is no mind game, rule, or trick that can make a man truly fall for you. You’ve been sold a bill of goods!
In famous books like The Rules and He’s Just Not that Into You, the authors espouse the coy technique, i.e., the more you act like you don’t care about a guy, the more he’ll fall for you. Is it true? The answer—a resounding no. So why does this technique seem to work so often? The reason—men are not falling in love with you, they’re falling in love with your unavailability. Most people are attracted to things they can’t have. If someone acts like they don’t need you or want you, or that they are unattainable, suddenly they become a challenge. This is Psychology 101. Think about it. How much would you love the guy you have a crush on if instead of him being a challenge, he was staring at you all day, enamored, completely at your beckon call, worshiping your every word and move. Might be fun for a while, but eventually you’d lose interest in him?
The problem for most women who use the “coy” technique comes when you they can longer keep up the emotionally unavailable charade. At some point they have to let down their guard, be themselves, become vulnerable, and see if the man accepts them for who they are or see if he heads for the door. Most of the time if a man is not ready for a relationship, or a woman is no longer emotionally unavailable, he’s heading for the door. Contrary to popular belief, men are not one dimensional creatures. Most men don’t simply sit around with their friends grunting and burping like Neanderthals. As a matter of fact, you’d probably be surprised to know that most men talk very openly with their friends about their feelings toward women, about love, and about their emotions. In addition, most men are very aware of their own issues with intimacy and commitment, and most of the time they know when they are ready to confront these issues, and make a go of it with a woman.
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