This article is an open letter to all of you space invaders out there. You know who you are ... or do you?
No, I'm not talking to those of you with an affinity for handling joysticks and playing early 80's video games with poor graphics and creatures making funny "gobbling" noises as they ate things. This open letter has nothing to do with video games. I'm also not talking rodents or anything else that invades your living space. I'm not even talking about clutter on your desk that gets in your way.
The space invaders I'm talking about here are ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends (we'll just collectively call them "ex's" here). This open letter is directed to all of you ex's out there who are space invaders tormenting your ex's.
Now I know all you space invading ex's know who you are, and this open letter is directed to you. So listen up and pay attention!
It's amazing. Ex's always seem to find their way back into your life to dump all of their own issues all over you at the very moment when you're most happy with someone else. It's like they have some kind of special radar which alerts them that it is the perfect time to try to get you back at the very moment you are in this most happy place.
They will have an epiphany wherein they decide they are a new person and that they need to convince you to give your relationship with the "new them" a second chance. In their mind they will think "Wait! My ex is with someone else. How could they possibly be with someone else? I realize now that if we get back together, everything will be different because I've changed. They need to give our relationship another try with the new me!"
This whole train of thought misses a critical point: your ex is your ex for a reason. They're an ex because you already learned the lesson that they did not satisfy you in ways you needed to be satisfied. They are an ex because your heart was not touched by them in ways your heart needed to be touched. Your ex is an ex because they weren't able to get into your soul and get deep into your core like you needed.
Regardless, there seems to be no shortage of ex's who are space invaders. So to all of you space invading ex's out there, here are seven reasons for you to stop invading your ex's space immediately:
1. Recognize What Your "Epiphany-Come-Lately" Really Means: It is no coincidence that so many ex's experience the sudden revelation that they need to convince their ex to give their relationship another try ONLY after that ex has found someone else with whom they are genuinely happy. You need to see this "epiphany-come-lately" for what it really is: your knee-jerk reaction to the fact that your ex is with someone else.
It is an only slightly more complicated version of the "you only want them now that you can't have them" syndrome. While you may believe that you all of a sudden see things differently, it is really a function of feeling like you are about to lose your ex unless you say something right now.
2. You Are Not Entitled To A "Review" Of Your Relationship: Here's another thing all you space invading ex's need to remember. You are not an NFL coach. You are not given a relationship red flag that entitles you to demand that your ex review your relationship and give you a chance to "replay the down."
So, just because you decide that you and your ex need to revisit the wisdom of your breakup does not mean that your ex has to agree to participate. If your ex does not want to do it, you cannot (and should not try to) force them.
3. The Real Reason Your Relationship Ended Hasn't Changed: Just because you believe you have changed, and you indeed may have changed, that does not alter the real reason your relationship ended in the first place. Further, just because you believe you are a different person or that "things" are different than when you and your ex were together, that does not mean that the two of you are more compatible now than you were at the time your relationship ended. It is really irrelevant that you have made some miraculous change or turn-around in your own mind, because what ultimately made your relationship not work out with your ex was about something much deeper than that.
What made your relationship not work out the first time was that the two of you at your cores were different people, people whose hearts and souls did not have an ultimate connection. So while you very truly may have made some changes, deep down you are the same person (and so is your ex). You were two people who did not share that ultimate peaceful feeling you have with someone with whom you share a true soul connection.
4. Life Is Not Like A Movie: - So many space invading ex's seem to operate under the delusion that they are starring in their own romantic comedy movie. You know the basic plot line: Boy had girl. Boy loses girl (becoming the "ex"). Ex doesn't think twice about girl he lost until girl finds someone else. Ex has "the epiphany" moment that he loves girl and needs to get her back (thus becoming the "space invading ex"). Space invading ex discovers that girl's new boy is not the good guy that girl believes him to be, and that space invading ex is the right man for her. Space invading ex sets up elaborate plan to crash girl's wedding/relationship and declare his true love to girl. Space invading ex gets girl back in dramatic and romantic wedding-crashing scene. All across movie theaters everywhere, sentimental choruses of "Aw!" can be heard as tear-soaked women frantically search for tissues in their purse. It all seems so romantic!