Why "checking in" online after a first date may be "checking you out" of a potential second date.
Recently, a client of mine emailed me with this question: 'David, you know I've gone out on a lot of great coffee dates with women I've met on Yahoo! Personals. And my biggest mistake is that when I get home from these dates, I see I've gotten an email from someone else on there, so I log in to the system (which shows I'm online) and then I seem to never get another date with the woman I've just met for coffee. What's going on here?"
This question from my male client prompted me to want to write this article to all the women who have been in this first coffee date situation and have gone on to sabotage the potential for a second date or for a relationship to develop. This article will provide some tips and information to help women navigate this part of online dating.
Here are five pieces of tips and advice women should consider after that first coffee date in order to avoid sabotaging a potential second date or relationship.
1. Delay Your First Log In
If you just had a good first date with somebody you met online and then both you and he log in to your accounts, then one of you is logging in to see if the other person logged in. There is nothing wrong with logging into your account anytime you want. It's just that in the first 24 hours after a date, men will be wondering what you thought of them (and probably vice versa). Did she like me? Did she not like me? So if you did like him on that first date, then I'd suggest not logging into the system for at least 24 hours after your date or at least until you get back in touch with that person.
Now I'm not saying that you should quit dating other people after a first date, but the fact is that if you both are logging in during that first 24 hours after the date, then you're both going to be thinking "Well maybe the date wasn't as good as I thought it was." If you think you had an absolutely spectacular first date date, just lay off and don't log in to your account for 24 hours. Don't check your online emails; allow the person to call and see what happens.
2. Don't Overreact To The Log In
Just because you see that the person you went out with on that first date has logged into their account, it does not mean he doesn't like you. Put this into its proper perspective: You went on a first date with this person, they went out with you and you went out with them. They might be checking other emails in their online account or they might be dating other people. None of that means that a relationship may not develop and move forward with you. It only means that they might have other people with whom they're corresponding and are seeing whether they share a connection. Have some confidence in who you are. Don't spend your time speculating about why they are logging in and stop worrying about every little time that person logs in to their account.
More dating advice from YourTango Experts:
- The Secret To Successful Online Dating
- 30 Bad Relationship Habits You *Desperately* Need To Lose By Age 30
- 7 Signs He Wants To Kiss You Right. This. Second.