This is what's going through his head while scanning profiles.
So, you figure you'd give one of the many online dating sites a shot. You're wondering what the best one where you can find the highest quality man is. Is it Match.com? Is it OkCupid? Or is it one of those new apps that you can get on your phone like Tinder or Hinge?
Whatever it is, I'm going to share with you what thousands of men have shared with me over the years: what they really think about when it comes to online dating.
1. The Plain Old Truth—They're Not Reading Your Profile.
Most men will skim through your words to make sure you're not angry, to make sure you're not one of those "Listers" that could potentially nag them in the future.
Whenever a man sees a "Lister" on an online site, he immediately thinks to himself, "Oh yeah, that's the woman that's not going to let me watch the Super Bowl. She's going to have a list of things I've either done wrong that week or a list of meaningless things I need to do on a Sunday."
2. When Men Look At Your Profile, It's Like We're Shopping For A Used Car.
Here's another bit of cold truth; men look at online dating pictures on online dating sites no differently than when they cruise autotrader.com.
They're doing a close-up on all your pictures just like they are to check out the rims on a car. Sounds harsh, but it's true.
Men want to know about the mileage, how many previous owners there were and what mechanical issues there are. Meaning, what are some of the emotional issues (baggage) you might have. Is there a prior service history?
Making a call to previous owner to make sure you're not crazy. These are all things that go through a man's mind when he's looking at all your profile.
3. He's Wondering If He Should Bother Emailing You. Will You Even Bother Writing Back.
Men can spend hours trying to craft a great email, but in reality, most women pick the wrong guy online anyway.
It's amazing how many men I've met who show me the emails that get ignored. In reality, no matter how harsh, what I might have said is, "You've got your own harsh truth too. Your own criteria."
4. He Wonders If You've Lied About Your Age.
The difference between online dating and car shopping is you can't really lie about the age or condition of a car. Men have found that women not only lie about their age, they also lie about their condition.
5. He Wonders If You've Lied About Your Body Type.
It's amazing how many women write "fit and trim", or "athletic" online, but only have shots of themselves from the neck up. That's like a man seeing a picture of a car without seeing the interior.
Men wonder if the interior's been shamed or has many kids' vanilla wafers all over it or sticky little hands in the back seat.
When we don't see your body, we imagine that the engine is starting to break down, and we immediately think that whatever body type you've written is not the type you really have.
Men find women of all shapes, sizes, and color attractive, but the fact of the matter is, men love looking at pictures. So whatever your body looks like in reality is what you need to put in your profile. There's a great man who's attracted to you out there.
When I was in the car business a long time ago, my business partner always told me there's a butt for every seat.) It's also true when it comes to online dating. There's a butt for every man, there's a woman for every guy.
Your market is huge, but you need to know what goes through a man's mind when he's cruising pictures on the Internet. You are a real live woman that he can potentially meet, so he's going to critique you every which way, shape, and form.
No need to get annoyed or upset or send me a nasty e-mail. I'm just the messenger.
When I'm online dating, I actually read the profile. I want to meet a spectacular woman, and I like to read what she's all about. But a lot of guys are just skimming through the details to make sure you're not a lemon (one more car analogy).
One last thing. No matter how great the date is, until you've got a firm commitment from that guy, picture browsing is an absolute addiction.
So please, don't get angry if he still peeks three or four dates into the relationship. It's a guy thing. It doesn't mean he's not into you.